Family

Have Yourself A Messy Little Christmas

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

I’ve always wanted a perfect Christmas – whatever that is. Mostly I’d be happy if the tree stood straight and if no one was sad, mad or bad. For years when asked what I’d like for Christmas my response was always the same: Clean house and good kids. Talk about your unanswered prayers!

But you know in the movie ‘White Christmas’ when it starts snowing right on cue and the walls of the barn (that has been converted into a stage) just magically open. Or like in ‘The Miracle on 34th Street’ when Natalie Wood finds the perfect house that just happens to be “for sale” and open on Christmas Day. Or when Father comes home just before Christmas in ‘Little Women’ and Marmee’s eyes fill with tears (by the way, the one with Katherine Hepburn and Spring Byington is the one to watch). I’ve always secretly wanted one of those Hollywood Christmases. One of those Christmases where EVERYONE cries and then laughs and realizes WHAT’S REALLY IMPORTANT.   

Homemade "gourd" snowmen ~ eat your heart out, Martha Stewart!

But we’ve never had any of those “cue the music” Christmas moments at our house.  Usually they’re more of the “Christmas Story” variety – cursing the neighbors’ dogs!  And too often Christmas or Christmas Eve is a little boring – same people, same gifts, same stuff. Oh the food is great and we love our family and we do try to center Christ in Christmas but sometimes it all seems a little too rote. Been there; done that.

Looking back it seems to me that our best Christmases have been the messy, unpredictable ones. And we’ve had some doozies. Like when Blake was about 3 years old and puked at my brother’s house on Christmas Eve or when Bess woke up with bronchitis on Christmas Day or the year that our car slid off the road on Christmas Eve on our way to see Aunt Marge and Grandma Hazel. Those are the memorable Christmases.  Oh, we’ve had some ‘Currier and Ives’ moments too, but mostly the messy Christmases have been our best.

Scooping up poor little sick Blake (and wiping up vomit) may not make a pretty Christmas card but getting him home and tucked into bed and praying at his bedside that he would be well enough for Santa the next morning is still a favorite memory.  Bringing Bess a cup of tea and a few sugar cookies in bed while she was recuperating from bronchitis still makes me a little sentimental – she was too sick to do anything but hold her new baby doll but still she managed a smile that broke my heart. Or the year that we went to midnight Mass and some drunken guy started crying because he hadn’t been to church in years – and we witnessed his ‘conversion moment’. I felt like a jerk for having grumbled under my breath earlier to Deb about “this guy behind us”. 

God certainly had a hand in all of this. And I guess the first Christmas was a pretty humble occasion. So why do I need a perfect Christmas anyway? Besides I think those messy ones have been perfect – perfected by Christ.

So this year I’ll plan for another beautiful Christmas but I hope to remember to thank God for the one that I get. And if I’m truly blessed it may be a little bit messy. Hope yours is too!

Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel, which means “God is with us.” Matthew 1:23

Peace,

Denis

Have An Adventure But Don’t Forget To Wear Your Seatbelt

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

Being a parent is sort of like being a high wire trapeze artist.  One wrong move and you’re a goner!

Being a good parent is even harder. The challenge: you love your children with all your heart but sometimes you must suppress the urge to kill them. Good parents have learned how to do this.

Don’t get me wrong; being a dad has been my greatest blessing in this life.  And being a granddad is just ‘icing on the cake’. It’s just that sometimes it’s maddening. There is no instruction manual and kids have no warranty and the return policy is practically non-existent. But still parenthood remains the most rewarding experience in life.

Here’s why: Sometimes they love you back! It’s that simple. Your kid can grow up to be a president or a pimp but if they love you then you know that somewhere along the line you must have done something right.

Deb and I raised our kids with one philosophy – “What in hell are we doing?”  We really had no clue (I still don’t) but we just loved them and somehow muddled through.  So far not one of them is a serial killer or has written a ‘tell-all’ tale about their childhood; so we must have done (sort of) okay.

I think that there are basically two parenting styles:

The first one is what I call “The Helicopter-Science Project Parent”. These are the folks that are constantly hovering over their kids. They do EVERYTHING for the little darlings. They check their homework each night; they make sure that junior has all the right friends and monitor ALL activity. They keep their little loved ones on a pretty tight leash. And of course as the name implies – they actually build that amazing ‘Science Fair Volcano’ that junior takes credit (and the blue ribbon) for. These kids likely get in the best schools and live lives that their parents are proud of but they seem sad and stifled and will certainly have a mid-life crisis.

The second style is what I call “This Seems like a Good Idea Today”.  I think most of us fall into this category.  I know we certainly did. We tried to let our kids make their own mistakes (we’d already made enough of our own) and learn from them. We tried to be supportive and ALWAYS encouraged our kids to take risks within reason.  Our mantra was “You are only limited by your imagination” but in reality we subscribed more to the theory of “Have an adventure but don’t forget to wear your seatbelt”. It’s hard to push those ‘baby birds’ out of the nest but somehow we knew that would be for the best – even when sometimes we were hanging on for dear life (ours not theirs).

And those science projects?  They were awful!

Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing (except for maybe that time when I made Blake’s teacher cry at ‘Parent-Teacher Conferences’ even though she had it coming!) Giving your kids freedom means they are more likely to “mess up” but more opportunity equals more potential. I’ll take a little craziness any day over boring and bland. Oh, and love! Love is important – don’t forget to love your kids, especially when they are at their least lovable. And pray – even if you’re just asking for God to help you not kill them.

Hallmark® that purveyor of profundity sells a wall hanging that Deb purchased when our granddaughter Anna was born.  It now hangs in her bedroom.  And even though I don’t usually like schmaltzy stuff; I love this plaque.

It states:

IN THIS HOME…

WE DO SECOND CHANCES.

WE DO GRACE.

WE DO REAL.

WE DO MISTAKES.

WE DO I’M SORRYS.

WE DO LOUD REALLY WELL.

WE DO HUGS.

WE DO FAMILY.

WE DO LOVE.

How about that for a parenting philosophy?  And don’t forget to wear your seatbelt!

Peace,

Denis

Patience (or lack thereof)

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

During the four weeks of Advent we are supposed to be waiting for Jesus.  But we are busy.  We are shopping.  We are baking.  We are traveling.  We are entertaining.  We are wrapping gifts and trimming the tree.  All in anticipation of Christmas – Christ’s Mass.  We celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25th but do we miss out on the beauty of our Savior’s birth with all our “busy-ness”?  Do we need to quiet ourselves and listen for His voice? 

I personally need to be patient with myself.  This is my annual struggle of wanting the “perfect Christmas” and not being able to let go so that I can be perfected by Christ.  

My need to do it all; to have it all is exhausting.  So again this year I’m going to let go (or at least try to let go) of my need to micro-manage Christmas.  All I ask for is your patience, too.  Be patient with me if you don’t receive a Christmas card until December 26th or 27th.  Be patient with me if I don’t seem “cheerful” enough during our holiday gatherings – I’ll get there.  Be patient with me if I don’t have the house decorated well enough or if your gift seems hurriedly wrapped. 

This year I’m going to hold my grandbabies and try to sing Christmas carols.  This year I’m going to try to read ALL of the holiday newsletters and Christmas greetings the day that they come in the mail.  This year I’m going to try to take my time with those who need me to slow down and REALLY listen to them. 

I’m praying for patience and waiting for another Christmas miracle. 

Who knows – I might be blessed with patience yet!

Peace,

Denis

Be patient, brothers and sisters,
until the coming of the Lord.
See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth,
being patient with it
until it receives the early and the late rains.
You too must be patient.
Make your hearts firm,
because the coming of the Lord is at hand.

James 5:7-8

No Place Like Home

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

I’m in Mexico again! Another business trip to Mexico City. Another couple of plane rides. Another couple of nights in a hotel.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining. I really love traveling. And I’ll be seeing a customer whose company I truly enjoy. And I’m painfully aware of how many of my friends are unemployed or under-employed. So I am thankful for my job – even if it takes me away from home sometimes.

But tonight I just want to be home. I want to hear my wife tell me about her day. I want to fall asleep watching the local news – in English! I want to listen to my six-year old granddaughter tell me excitedly about her newest friend at school or hear my two-year old granddaughter tell me that she’s going to be going to school soon, too! I want to see my baby grandson smile his sweet smile (that I’m certain is just for me!). I’m a hopeless ‘homebody’.

I don’t know, maybe it’s the ‘holidays’ or the fact that our son is leaving for Korea next week for a year but right now I NEED TO BE HOME. I’m feeling that ‘ache’ for home that I sometimes get.

So here I am in Mexico City feeling way too sorry for myself AND guilty because so many others are separated from their loved ones – not for just a few days but for years or maybe for eternity.

I’m praying these next few days pass quickly and I’ll be back in that “loving embrace” of home soon. I also pray for all those who are yearning for home. May they find “home” in their hearts; in their memories; in their dreams.

This song always makes me a little sad, but sometimes a little sadness makes me happy (or maybe I’m just a little loco!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbSOLBMUvIE&feature=related

Peace,

Denis

O Come O Come Emmanuel

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

 Nothing is as simple and profound as a God that loves us unconditionally.   In the midst of the modern Christmas frenzy Advent is a perfect time to remind ourselves of that awesome wonder.

Tomorrow Advent begins. And once again we prepare for the coming of Christ. Today I unpacked the Advent wreath and Deb bought new candles. For the next four Sundays we will light our candles and carry on our tradition of “keeping Advent”. This is that special time of year when we reflect on Jesus’ coming in history and His coming in our lives today and also His final coming. 

For the next four Sundays our Gospel readings will contain the messages of Advent – take care; be aware; prepare. And while we’re busy about “getting ready” for Christmas – the shopping, the parties, the gift giving, we’re being reminded to S L O W  down. We’re being reminded to “get ready” for something much more important than the latest toy or electronic gadget; something much more important than our favorite family recipe; something much more important than our parties or holiday celebrations.  We are preparing ourselves to meet (once again) our Savior who is ALWAYS with us and who will NEVER forsake us.

This evening we went to our parish to view “Scenes of The Nativity” – parishioners put their personal creches on display for all to enjoy.  Some of the Nativity sets are old, some are handmade, some very elegant, some disarmingly simple. All represent the Holy Family at the time of Jesus’ birth.  At the end of the exhibit is an opportunity to create a living Nativity – with costumes and ourselves playing the parts of angels, shepherds, wise men and of course Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. 

This year my daughter was Mary; my son-in-law Joseph; and Noah was baby Jesus (he was a natural!).  Anna and her cousin Charlise were angels (adorable) and the rest of us were Wise Men – well Debbie was a Wise Woman I suppose. It was fun and the angels and baby Jesus were especially sweet – a nice family time.

Holy Family

Later while the girls were playing in the “Children’s Area” replete with Fisher-Price Nativity sets and arts-and-crafts tables I held Noah (Baby Jesus).  While holding in my arms he smiled at me and I couldn’t help but think about Jesus as a baby and how much Mary and Joseph must have loved him. 

At times it is amazing to me that God presented Himself to us an infant!  Not as a warrior or super hero or a King.  But an infant – helpless, completely dependent, and completely human.  And while I held Noah it all made perfect sense to me.  Someday when I’m much older and Noah is a grown man he will bring me comfort and help ease me into my final days.  The love that we share will transform us – as I grow old and weak; he will grow big and strong. Tonight I prayed that we will always be connected even as we inevitably change.  And if I’m truly blessed he will remember me fondly after I’m gone from this life and he will always know how much I loved him. 

Imagine then how much more God will love and care for each of us.  God who gave us His only Son that we might live.  God who changes us so that we might change the world. O come O come Emmanuel!

Jesus said to his disciples: “As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.  Matthew 24:37

Peace,

Denis

Give Thanks

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Every year as a nation Americans pause on the last Thursday of November to give thanks. For many of us this is really just a day to enjoy turkey, pumpkin pie and football. And for that I’m thankful, too. But this year I have so much more for which to be thankful. I’d like to thank God for all of my blessings. 

Here goes:

  • Thank you for my beautiful wife of 35 years who gives more than she ever receives (even though I try).
  • Thank you for my children who will always be my babies even though they are adults.
  • Thank you for my grandchildren – they are my greatest joy and hope for the future!
  • Thank you for my son-in-law who is not only another son but my friend and my brother in Christ.
  • Thank you for my siblings who help keep me grounded and remind me of the importance of family.
  • Thank you for my parents who are examples of married love and devotion.
  • Thank you for my in-laws, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles and all other family members – you fill my life with love and kindness.
  • Thank you for my friends who have carried me many times when I have lost my way.
  • Thank you for employment, my co-workers and my cherished customers and business partners who are my extended family.
  • Thank you for a good home, good health and a full belly.
  • Thank for my faith; for Your Son and for my community of believers.
  • And thanks for the shitty stuff, too. It makes the good stuff somehow seem even better.
  • And thank you God for all the many blessings that I take for granted each day.

My wish is for each of you to have a beautiful Thanksgiving and a moment to reflect on all of your blessings, too.

Peace,
Denis

New Life

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

This coming Saturday our grandson Noah will be baptized.  This past Saturday my niece Caprice was married.  Last week I participated in a Mass of Remembrance for those that died in our parish.

What do these three things have in common?  They are all a celebration of new life.  New Life in Christ.

It occurred to me at my niece’s wedding that with new life there is joy and excitement but there is also some uncertainty and a need for adjustment.  This is true with Baptism, Marriage and death. 

In Baptism we celebrate being “reborn” in Christ.  But as Catholic Christians it doesn’t end with the Sacrament.  It is the beginning of our life as a disciple of Christ.  Noah will be presented for Baptism as an infant but his parents will bear the responsibility for his formation.  The community will support their efforts in raising him as a Christian but ultimately Noah will choose to accept his faith as an adult.  We will all embrace the joys and sorrows that he will encounter as we ask God to walk with him but it will be Noah’s life to live.  His life’s journey is unknown at this time but our belief in Jesus’ saving grace is certain and will sustain him forever. 

In marriage the Sacrament is also just the beginning.  Caprice and Jimmy have witnessed their love before their community and committed themselves to Christ in their marriage ceremony.  But now the “heavy lifting” begins.  They have the rest of lives to affirm their love for one another.  They will witness to all those who know and love them.  And because they have invited Jesus into their married life they now have confidence in that sacred bond.

As Christians we believe in life after death.  Again the Sacrament of the Anointing is just the beginning. It is often administered immediately before death and a Christian burial.  The Sacrament signifies a beginning of our journey from death to life.  As Catholics we believe in a period of purgation after our death.  You can think of it as a time when “your life flashes before your eyes”.  We can’t (and shouldn’t) quantify it but as humans we are inclined to try.  It is enough to believe that it is a period of adjustment when we are finally able to let go of our human existence and accept eternal life with Christ.  And maybe that’s the scary part.  Eternity is a long time.  I take comfort in knowing that God created us to love us.  So life in heaven with Him can only be a good thing.

Holding heaven in my arms

On Saturday when Noah is being held in his mother’s arms and the waters of Baptism are being poured over him I will be imagining that heaven must be like that.  Being held in my Creator’s arms and having new life poured over me.  What a beautiful image.  And Noah will be witnessing to us what heaven can be for those who love God.

Peace,

Denis

Here Comes The Bride

/ Denis Wilhelm / 3 Comments

Caprice and Jimmy

My niece Caprice is getting married in about 3 weeks.  It seems like only yesterday that she was my little “Pee Wee” perched on my lap.  But now she’s all grown up and ready to be a wife.  She’s had a wedding shower and a bachelorette party and all the preparations have been made – the church, the music, the reception, etc.  She and her fiance Jimmy are ready. 

Ready for the wedding day.  But are they ready for marriage?  Who knows?  Are any of us ever really ready?  I know that they are “IN LOVE” and I know that they have met with their minister and that she has “prepared them”.  But how much can you really “prepare” for marriage? 

I remember a 150 years ago when Deb and I got married and we met with Father Gary Goldaker at Trinity Episcopal Church and he asked us lots of questions and we gave him lots of answers.  And after no more than two meetings he then pronounced us “READY FOR MARRIAGE”.  Thank God we had all the answers back then because it has made married life so easy!  Of course a few years later we heard that Father Gary left the priesthood and was selling aluminum siding – so I guess our marriage has probably out-lasted some of that siding he sold (that stuff only has about a 25 year guarantee). 

Caprice and Jimmy are older and (smarter?) than we were in 1975.  And they have made good decisions up to this point so I’m guessing that they will have a marriage based on love and respect and equality.  I also know that they have a family that will always love and support and even “carry them” when necessary.  And if I could remember any of those answers from Gary Goldaker I would pass those on, too.

But now we’re all focused on THE WEDDING DAY.  THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM.  And that’s how it should be.  Serious marriage stuff has been dealt with already and their life together will continue to be an ongoing journey of faith and discovery.  Caprice and Jimmy have the rest of their lives to build their marriage.

So right now we’re looking forward to the Wedding Day and the party that is planned.  I’m always reminded that Jesus’ first public miracle was The Wedding Feast at Cana.  Even Jesus liked a good wedding reception.  So we’re going to celebrate on November 6th.  When Caprice comes down the aisle there will be smiles and tears (Deb cries at Hallmark® commercials) and once again I will have my faith in marriage renewed.  And later at the reception I’ll dance like nobody is watching because I’ll bet Jesus did that after ‘The Wine Thing’. 

Here comes the bride.  Everybody please rise!

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.   It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Peace,

Denis

Look Who’s Six Years Old!

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Charlise

On 10/10/10 Charlise Clare Wilhelm will be six years old.  It’s hard to believe that we have a six year old granddaughter. Time flies!  It only seems like yesterday that we met our ‘Little Peanut’ and now here she is ready to be a big girl.  But not too fast – please!  She might be ready to be a big girl but Pawpaw still needs some time to catch up.

Charlise is in kindergarten – a big milestone.  She loves school and I’m certain her teacher loves her, too.   Her circle of influence is growing and her peers’ opinions are VERY IMPORTANT now.  She is similar to all other kids in her need to ‘fit in’ and I’m sure she will have more than her fair share of school friends.  She has a way of winning people over with her big smile.  She’s already a charmer at six!

This Saturday she is having a “bowling” birthday party and has invited everyone in her classroom.  It will fun to see her interact with her new friends.  I can already tell that she will be popular in school because she is such a loving and giving little girl.  She just has a way about her – so sweet, so nice, so Charlise!

Charlise and I have a lot fun being silly together.  We tease Nana and we laugh a lot.  We make funny noises and we chase around the house.  We play outside and hunt for wild chihuahuas in the backyard (one of our many ‘pretend’ games).  I guess when she gets older she will either remember this time fondly or laugh about it – either way; I’m okay.

As exciting as it is to see her grow up and become her own little person, I sometimes can’t help but reminisce about when she was born.  She arrived a month before she was due and only weighed 3-1/2 lbs.  I will never forget holding her for the first time and feeling like the luckiest man alive – I believe I still am!  But there are times when I really miss Baby Charlise.  When she spends the night at our house now she sleeps in THE BIG BED in the yellow bedroom.  But when I look in on her late at night and watch her sleeping and listen to her breathe I can still catch a glimpse of our sweet baby who was such a little peanut at birth.  She lies there in peaceful sleep and her face still has the innocence and purity of an angel – I’m certain (for me) that it will never go away.

Charlise is our first grandchild.  And being first gives her special status.  She was the first grandchild to capture my heart and she will hold it forever.  I know that God has blessed me and her name is Charlise.

Happy Birthday Peanut!

Love,

Pawpaw

Big Sisters ~ Little Brothers

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

There’s a special relationship between big sisters and little brothers.  It seems that big sisters tend to “mother” their little brothers and little brothers often seek their big sister’s approval.  But it’s much more than that.  There’s a special love that they share that’s on a psychic or spiritual level.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have witnessed this dynamic between  big sister/little brother many times in my life.  God has blessed our family three-fold: my wife Deb and her “little brother” Brett; our daughter Bess and her “little brother” Blake; and now our granddaughter Anna and her “little brother” Noah.

This sister/brother love is life-long.  It is pure.  And it is unconditional.  What a gift God has bestowed on these sisters and brothers! 

I firmly believe that Debbie is such a good mother because she learned ‘how-to’ on Brett.  She was (and still is) in many ways his second mother.  I’ve seen how she can comfort him and I’ve witnessed her heartbreak when he has dealt with dissapointment or sadness in his life.  She celebrates his joys and supports him in all he does.  SHE IS HIS ROCK.  And I know too that Brett loves and cares for Deb equally and that they share a bond that is eternal. 

From the time that our son Blake was born, his “big sister” Bess has been his guardian angel.  She has protected him and cared for him from the start.  Their love is something that only they can truly know.  The rest of us can observe from the outside, but they seem to communicate on a level that is all their own.  Even though they are ‘grown-ups’ now, Bess still worries about her “little brother” and Blake still seems to need her approval (or maybe it’s her affirmation) from time to time.  When he was a little boy, she would comfort him if he was upset.  And often she was the ONLY ONE that he wanted when sad or hurt.  Blake was a freshman and Bess was a senior at the University of Wisconsin when Blake broke his jaw (there are some sketchy details on what actually caused the break).  Bess flew to his side, helping him when Deb and I couldn’t be there.  Of course, she wouldn’t have considered anything else.  And Blake has been ‘ON CALL’ when his niece and nephew were born – he needed constant updates as to how Bess was doing.  This “caring for one another” seems to be the cement that holds them together.

I see already how two-year-old Anna loves her “little brother”.  The night that he was born, while he was being “cleaned up” in the hospital nursery, Anna and her Daddy, and I watched outside the nursery window (Mommy was ‘being put back together’).  While we were witnessing Noah’s first few minutes of life, an old man that was a patient at the hospital was wheeled up to look at the babies.  He asked Anna if that was her baby brother and of course she said yes.  He then asked her if she thought he could get a baby brother, too.  Her reply: “Yes but not this one – he’s mine!”  In those first few moments, looking through the glass, she had claimed her “little brother”.  And as tears welled up in my eyes I could only imagine how special their life together will be.  Another big sister/little brother legacy was born.  And once more I was blessed for having witnessed it.

Peace,

Denis