We were recently given a Wii® game. Our daughter and son-in-law thought that we could get more use out of it than they had. The Wii® Sports is fun and pretty easy (the beginner level stuff, anyway). I now have a Wii® mini-me. He’s tall and slender with glasses and gray hair. He seems very excited to try new Wii® things. This morning I thought I (he) would try Wii® Fit.
Now I hate Wii®. Here’s why: It mocked me! The Wii® “trainer” who started out as my friend actually mocked me! First “he” checked my age, height and weight and was very complimentary. Because of my excellent BMI my “trainer” suggested I begin with some balance exercises. I figured that would be a cinch – WRONG! Immediately soccer balls started coming at my head and I had to try to “head them” but then other things came at me (shoes and panda heads I think – it was all a blur!) and I was supposed to avoid that stuff. Let me tell you it’s harder than it sounds. Needless to say, I didn’t do well. And my “trainer” (I call him Ivan now – as in ‘Ivan the Terrible’) kept telling me to “try again”. “Okay Ivan, you get up on this board and YOU try to balance!”
It went down hill from there. Ivan actually asked me if I trip and fall down a lot? What an a**hole! But I did keep trying. The next test was downhill skiing – another disaster. Then I tried some stretching while “maintaining my balance” (in theory). Again – horrific. And all the while Ivan kept taunting me, “Try harder!” “Did you step off the balance board?” “That’s cheating!” By then I had enough. “Screw you, Ivan!” My poor mini-me Denis look so dejected each time I (he) would fail. He would literally (virtually?) cover his little eyes and hang his head after every miserable attempt. I just couldn’t take anymore.
And then, the final humiliation – my Wii® age: 68 years! If I had any strength left, I would have thrown the Wii® out the window. At least I got my heart rate up! I guess I’ll stick to Wii® beginner bowling – at least my little Wii® Denis is very happy when he gets the occasional strike.
Who knew ‘virtual life’ could be so cruel? I guess reality’s not so bad after all.