Parents

Waiting (patiently?)

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Our third grandchild was due yesterday.  YESTERDAY.  Apparently she or he doesn’t know that we (me?) are a very impatient family.  EVERYTHING is ready.  Bags are packed.  Exit strategies have been checked and double checked.  I’m sure our son-in-law Travis has developed a computer program that details the fastest, safest and most efficient way to travel to the hospital.  Now we just need the baby to join in the fun.

I think Bess is getting a little weary but she’s never been more beautiful and could be a model for some pregnancy magazine (if they have that sort of thing).  But still she’s ready to have her baby NOW.  Soon-to-be big sister Anna was telling me yesterday about how she plans to help with the baby by fetching diapers and singing lullabies.  She told me that babies go “wah, wah, wah, a lot” and that “they’re really little”.  So she’s prepared, too.  Travis is adorable – fretting over Bess and Anna and the ‘what, when, and why’, etc.  I love how much he loves my girls and I love him, too.

So here I am the granddad with nothing to offer.  I’m ready and patience has never been my ‘strong-suit’.  I just keep praying and thinking positive thoughts and try to be upbeat but that’s not much comfort to an overdue daughter and a nervous son-in-law.  I had a dream last night that Bess was hanging from some dangerously high beam at some construction site.  But I was able to save her!  And she was okay but she didn’t go into labor in my dream.  I guess I just need to feel like I’m serving some purpose even though this whole ‘having a baby thing’ is beyond my control.  When Bess was a little girl I could patch up a scraped knee but I’m completely useless in the baby delivery department.

Of course, there’s Nana Deb ALWAYS appearing calm in the face of uncertainty (man that bugs me!).  But I know that she’s as anxious as me and truth be known she’s getting a little antsy, too. 

One thing is for certain – Baby will arrive soon.  Dear God please grant me patience – but hurry!  Oh yeah, and help Bess and Baby, too.  Sometimes I forget that this isn’t all about me…

Peace,

Denis

Don’t Say No

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Recently my daughter suggested that I need to tell my granddaughter no.  The conversation went something like this:  Daughter – “Dad, you need to learn how to tell her no!”  Me – “Why should I?”  “You think I need to learn how to tell her no?  I don’t think so!”

Seriously, could you tell this face no?

And really, why should I?  Anna (the angel-faced granddaughter) and I have a deal.  She asks for something and I give it to her.  It’s a great system – she’s happy; I’m happy.  We like being happy – it’s the parental units that are such spoil-sports.  And when Anna says. “Peez, Pawpaw…?” Who am I to deny her?

Now in fairness, I don’t let her have EVERYTHING she wants.  But really is a little ice cream or another episode of “Wonder Pets®” or “Dora the Explorer®” going to do any permanent harm?  She’s two; I’m fifty-five and we really like ice cream and Dora!  I will admit that I’m a soft-touch.  Those big green eyes and that sweet smile melt my heart like butter on a summer day.  But I don’t let her have EVERYTHING; only mostly everything.

Actually the STUFF that I try to give her is time, attention, and love.  Not that toys, ice cream and the occasional Nick Jr.® don’t sometimes work their way in there.  But being the grandfather of a two year-old is the very essence of freedom.  You get to abandon social norms.  Giggling and making silly faces is mandatory.  Hugs and kisses are acceptable barter for more of whatever is needed (not needed – wanted according to responsible adults – see above).  

I figure I’m living on borrowed time.  Someday Anna will figure out that I’m just another cranky old man.  It won’t be exciting to go to the Dollar Tree® and pick out anything she wants when she’s 12 and my very presence embarrasses her.  She won’t want to snuggle when she’s a teenager and HATES EVERYONE.  Right now my jokes are funny and my silliness is ‘de rigueur’.  Soon enough I will be someone she doesn’t really have that much time for.  Oh, she’ll be kind and loving but it won’t be the same.  

But right now we revel in our two year-old silliness and I continue to say YES.  My daughter and son-in-law can say no all they want.  Heck, they can tell me no (as if it would do any good!), but I’m sticking with my ‘Don’t Say No’ policy.  After all, that’s what Pawpaws are for.

Peace,

Denis

The Daughter I Never Wanted

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

One of our daughter’s best friends is named Kristy.  I call her Wooder (as do many of her friends).  She calls me Big D (but no one else does).   When Wooder’s parents moved out of the country due to her dad’s job transfer, Wooder moved in with us.  The girls had just graduated from high school and were both headed to The University of Wisconsin that fall.  Wooder spent part of the summer in Italy with her folks but the rest of the time she lived with us.  Weekends home during the school year were spent at our house and she also stayed with us the following summer, too.  Holidays she would fly to Italy and on at least one of those trips she took Bess with her. 

That first summer I joked that Wooder was the “Daughter I Never Wanted”.  Now I realize that nothing could be further from the truth.  But that first summer Wooder was a ‘third thumb’, a ‘fifth wheel, a ‘fish out of water’.  You get my drift: she didn’t fit in.  Our family, my wife, our daughter, our son, and myself all worked – ALL SUMMER.  Bess worked as an intern at my office.  Blake worked on a seed farm.  Deb was a parish secretary.  I was a project manager.  And Wooder slept in.  Some days we would all come home from work in time for Wooder to announce that she would be “taking a shower now”.  Her only responsibility was to let our little dog Sadie out to “go potty”.  Poor Sadie – good thing she had a strong bladder!

It wasn’t that Wooder was lazy – she just didn’t need to do anything on weekdays.  Saturdays were different.  We all cleaned the house and did chores.  At first I believe that Wooder thought I was dictatorial – GET UP!  VACUUM!  NOW!  My kids were used to this but Wooder probably thought she had been sold into bondage.  But we all adapted.  I realized that Wooder was very helpful when asked to help (my wife recommended this tactic) and she began to understand that my bombastic approach to household chores was just so much bluster and posturing – no one really took me seriously.

Pretty soon Wooder was part of our family and joined in with dinner table debates.  Often she would be my ally when some of our ‘discussions’ got heated in that kitchen on Westfield Road.  She agreed with me that the guy that my daughter was dating was all wrong for her – of course we were both wrong about that!  (Sorry Travis, I love you!  I just didn’t know you then.)  She shared family birthdays and cookouts and running errands with us.  Once, when it was just Wooder and me, a deer leapt over the hood of the car as we were driving down Cedarburg Road – no one would believe that story today if Wooder hadn’t been there!

Cindy and Wooder

Today she is Doctor Wood.  She’s a bio-medical something or other.  I know she wears a lab coat and works on really important stuff that I’m too dim-witted to understand.  I’m proud of Wooder.  I’m proud of the person that she’s become.  Life hasn’t always been easy.  Wooder is gay and not everyone can handle that.  Truth be known, it kind of  “threw me for a loop” at first but I love Wooder and I’m proud of her.  So maybe it’s gay pride that I feel and that’s okay with me.  She and her wife Cindy (yes wife – it’s legal in Massachusetts – get with it, rest of the country) are blessings to all who know and love them.  And even though Wooder’s the “Daughter I Never Wanted”, I’m glad that she’s a part of our family.  And I hope she’ll always know that she has a place in our hearts and our home.

Peace,

Big D