Haircuts, Handwriting, Handkerchiefs, and Holding Doors

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CaptureI consider myself a progressive. I’m a confirmed feminist (my granddaughters are destined for greatness). I also support women in the priesthood, equal pay for equal work, and look forward to the day that we have a woman in the Oval Office. I champion diversity in my workplace while supporting family leave for women and men. Social justice issues (especially as they relate to women) are dear to my heart and I expect that I will ALWAYS lean to the left. And I think that we can all agree that violence against women is intolerable and shameful.

So why do find myself mourning the passing of certain traditional elements in society?

I still go to a barbershop replete with a barber pole, clippers, straight razors, sports & auto magazines, and the same old guys (yours truly included) that have frequenting the place for 30+ years. I don’t need a stylist or a colorist or a scalp massage. I just want to talk about the weather and local sports teams and get a 15 minute haircut.

It also makes me very sad that many young people don’t have legible handwriting. When was the last time you even received a handwritten note? I love email and texting but sometimes I long for a letter or even a postcard, written in long hand (not printed), addressed to me, and actually mailed with a stamp and a postmark! Do they even teach penmanship in school anymore?

I always carry a handkerchief (not for blowing my nose) but to offer to a lady to dry her tears or to wipe a smudge. No sexist implications here. I was just raised to believe that a gentleman should always have a clean and pressed handkerchief. Thanks Mom!

And when did holding a door for someone become passé? My beautiful wife is just as strong and smart as I am and yet I still want to hold the door for her whenever we’re together and would NEVER step in front of her when walking through a doorway. This doesn’t make me gallant and certainly doesn’t imply that she is weak; just loved and respected.

So what does a well-meaning progressive do in a society that seems to be discarding tradition; abandoning manners in lieu of efficiency or mistaken equality; surrendering politeness in an attempt to be first in all things at the expense of others?

I’m not really sure, but I believe that I can still be relevant and thoughtful. I believe that I can support women’s rights and hold a door. I believe that I can embrace technology and still write the occasional note. Who knows, maybe when one my granddaughters becomes president she will ask Congress to consider mandating that penmanship be taught in all public schools.

I will be there to offer my handkerchief to her when they reject her proposal as antiquated and foolish. And then, of course, I will wipe my own tears.

Peace,

Denis

Time To Purge

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Lent began this week. Traditionally Catholic Christians go to Mass on Wednesday and have a cross smudged on their foreheads with ashes – an outward sign of our mortality. Ironically at Ash Wednesday Mass we hear Matthew’s Gospel tell us, “Do not look gloomy like hypocrites” “wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting”. I’ve always found this somewhat puzzling. Matthew tells us, “your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you” but we dutiful Catholics march off proudly showing our ashes to all who can see.

Most Catholics also “give up” something that they love as a sacrifice to honor the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus made for us or to remind us of the suffering of others. What I vividly remember as a child are anxious adults who would give up smoking or coffee or alcohol. As a kid I would sometimes give up candy (but not the chocolate kind) and end up as irritable as the adults – forty days without Bit-O-Honey! While I admire the idea of sacrificial suffering, perhaps giving up my favorite candy bar or vice isn’t necessarily the best way to honor Christ during Lent.

This Lenten season I am going to give up something (again). This year I’m going to purge. I’m going to clean out closets and give (things that I used to love) to those in need. I’m going to simplify my diet and donate excess food to a pantry. But mostly I’m going to try to get rid of the stuff that I really don’t need. I’m going to try to unload some of the crap that I’ve been piling up and carrying around far too long.

  • It’s time to let go of anger and resentment.
  • It’s time to say goodbye to disappointment and heartache.
  • It’s time to leave gossip, backbiting and hurtful words alone.
  • It’s time to give up prejudice and hatred.

It’s time to pack up and ship out all the garbage that keeps me from loving and being loved. I’m going to purge. I’m making a concerted effort to unload, unpack, and rid myself of anything that damages my relationships with others and God.

Truth be told, it would be much be easier to give up my favorite glass of wine or dessert than any of this stuff. But I will try, and try again…

Peace,

Denis

From Forty To Forever…

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Today is our 40th wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe that Debbie and I have been married for forty years. In some ways it feels like yesterday that we walked down the aisle and then there are days when it seems that we’ve been together forever. At least I know that we will stay together forever. And always in love.

wedding marriage license

SIGNING OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE ~ Don’t think we had any idea what we were signing up for in 1975

I’m a lucky man. My wife is still as beautiful as the day we married. She still makes me laugh everyday (mostly at myself). She has helped me become the man who I hoped I could be – worthy of her love. She has been by my side through it all. Never behind me; never in front of me; always beside me. Equal partners.

Marriage is supposed to be 50/50 but successful couples will tell you that sometimes it’s 80/20 or 40/60 and that each partner sometimes carries the extra load for the other. In the long run it truly is 50/50 but knowing when you need to give more and take less is the secret to happiness. That and honesty and respect. And of course love.

So we’ve been blessed these forty years with love and respect and honesty and laughter. We have three beautiful children: Tyson who has his mother’s tender heart. Bess who shares Deb’s spirit of fun and adventure and faithfulness. Blake who embraces her caring nature and compassion. They are our jewels; they are our treasures.

The best parts of our married life have made the tough parts worth it all. We’ve carried each other on this journey when necessary but mostly we’ve walked hand in hand. I started out thinking in 1975 that we were somehow headed toward a goal – Financial success? Maturity? Stability? Marital bliss? But through these forty years I’ve come to realize that the journey’s the thing. That’s our legacy. That somehow through good and bad; thick and thin, we’ve made it. We’ve remained side by side. Never behind. Never in front. Always beside.

And I can’t imagine any other life. Any other love. Any other girl.

Peace,

Denis

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 

 

 

And Still He Comes!

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Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the sadness and grief in life. There are days when all seems lost. Hopelessness clouds out any conceivable joy. Friends die. Jobs are lost. Misery prevails. Prayers go seemingly unanswered.Christ of the Breadlines

And I am not alone. Millions will go to bed hungry tonight. Millions more will have no place to lay their head. Others will be at war or surrounded by violence. Still others are imprisoned by drug addiction, domestic abuse, neglect or alcoholism.

And still Christmas comes.

While we welcome Baby Jesus with triumphant hymns and celebrations, somewhere a mother is mourning the loss of her own child. Disease, poverty, racism and injustice ravage our society.

And still Christmas comes.

God became man. But first he was a baby. Jesus was born a helpless infant. He was nurtured by his mother and grew into adulthood. He was truly human and walked among us. Jesus knew sorrow; felt hunger; endured pain. But He also knew love; experienced joy; found beauty in our world.

And so Christmas comes.

As I watched my grandchildren bubbling over with excitement in anticipation of Santa and shared laughter, love and good times with my family last night, I realized that we should rightly sing “Alleluia”. In the midst of our sadness and joy; feast and famine; desolation and beauty, we find our God walking with us. The sentimental image of a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes is heartwarming but the reality of Jesus sharing our joy and carrying our burdens is what sustains me.

I hope you that you will find yourself embraced by Christ’s peace and love this Christmas and each day forward.

Denis

 “Do not be afraid;
for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.
For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord.
And this will be a sign for you:
you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying:
“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”       Luke 2:10-14

 

Finding Christmas

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My challenge each year is to remember to S L O W  D O W N and embrace the joy of Christmas. As a Catholic, I attempt to use Advent as a time to prepare myself for Christ’s coming (again). Mostly I fail.

I gripe about shopping. I complain about the weather, the traffic, the costs of things, and the rudeness of sales clerks. I eat more than I should and then complain that my co-workers are bringing too much food into the office. I bitch about the lack of consideration of others and then I push my way through crowds to get what I want (when I want it!). And I swear to all that is holy, if I hear Mariah Carey sing “All I Want For Christmas Is You” one more time, I might actually bleed from the ears.

So much for “glad tidings”.

But then, as happens most years, something in me stirs. Sometimes I’m hit over the head with the obvious: A loved one struggling with illness. A friend in need. A tragedy in a far-off land. A crisis at home. Other times I am reminded of my blessings: A granddaughter recovered from a concussion. Grown children home for the holidays. Gainful employment. The kindness of strangers. A loving wife. A forgiving God.

Joseph Anna

Joseph (aka Noah) with proud big sister Anna

Last night we attended our grandson’s preschool Christmas program. There he was bounding up on the altar decked out as Saint Joseph. He was one of many Josephs. In fact, it was a preschool full of Marys, Josephs and Shepherds singing and smiling and wiggling. Little faces beaming! And at least one old face beaming back. O Holy Night!

And suddenly I found Christmas.

Peace,

Denis

 

Let’s Prepare the Way

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

John the Baptist is often thought of as this (sort of) crazy hermit who lived in the desert and wore camel-hair and ate locusts and wild honey, all the while preaching and telling anyone who would listen to prepare for “the one who is coming!” History tells us that actually his diet was common for poor people of his time. His clothing is reminiscent of Elijah which validates his role as a prophet. And while he may have gone off by himself to pray, he likely didn’t actually live in the desert. Gospel accounts confirm that he was not altogether social but somehow attracted significant numbers, who came to him for baptism. So John is an enigma. He wanted to prepare folks for a Messiah but he lived outside of the normal conventions and lacked social status. He was not necessarily part of the accepted religious community of his time and yet he still attracted followers.

So I’ve been wondering lately who the John the Baptist’s are in my world today? Who are the prophets in my life? From whom am I receiving the good news of Jesus coming? And who is urging me to prepare the way?

Much has happened in my own community in the last few months. The killing of Michael Brown by Officer Darren Wilson, the grand jury’s decision and the subsequent riots and looting of businesses. Life has been lost. Property destroyed. Families and friends and neighborhoods divided. In my beloved Mexico, where I spend much of my time working, the country has been rocked by the devastating slaughter of 43 Mexican students. The students who disappeared in September are believed to have been turned over by a corrupt police force to a drug cartel who in turn killed them and burned their bodies. So much pain in a world already torn apart by hatred and injustice.

Where is my prophet? Where is my good news? How can I prepare the way for Jesus coming? Where is my messenger of hope?

desertI can’t undo the these tragedies but I can stop the violence in my own heart. And I can defuse the anger and hatred in my own life. Perhaps this year I will follow John the Baptist’s example. I suppose I’m not that different from John – I sometimes live outside of normal conventions, I lack social status and I am certainly not embraced by my church leaders.

But I can cry out in the desert!

I can pray for peace and justice! I can let go of my prejudices. I can remind others that Jesus is coming to save our world (again).

Won’t you join me?

There is hope amidst the shock and sadness we face. And as we journey through this Advent, maybe just maybe, together we can create some peace on earth. Let’s pray.

And prepare the way of the Lord!

Peace,

Denis

All Is Calm

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venture 1978 pleasantfamilyshopping3In December of 1973, while in college, I was working part-time at a Venture Store. Venture was a big box discount store. As you can imagine, during the weeks before Christmas the store was always busy, and customers were increasingly demanding. Folks were scrambling to grab the latest gadget or toy and at times the scene at Venture could best be described as frenzied. When customers discovered that the “Specially Advertised” merchandise was sold-out, they could turn downright nasty.

It was in this cacophony of ringing cash registers, blue light specials, and loud-speaker announcements that I discovered her. There she was with tears streaming down her face. It was the girl from the Health and Beauty Aids Department. I didn’t know her well, but she was cute and always friendly, and no one deserved to be that upset. I was certain that some jerk-ass customer had balled her out and I was ready to hunt them down and give them a piece of my mind. After all, who needed this lousy job?

When I approached her and asked, “What’s the matter?” She said, “Don’t you hear it?” Puzzled, I asked, “Hear what?” “Listen!”, she said. I did. And ever so faintly amidst the noise of weary shoppers, screaming kids, and the umpteenth Public Address announcement, I heard the strains of the Muzak version of “Silent Night”. Before I could ask her why in hell that would make her cry, she told me that she loved the song and it touched her heart and that Christmas was her favorite time of year. She assured me that her tears were really more tears of joy than sadness.

I was speechless.

And right there in that busy, crowded, awful discount store she brought Christmas to me. She gave me peace. She brought me to Bethlehem. And I was once again reminded that I have a Savior.

I will never forget that night or that girl or that beautiful moment.

Be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come. Mark 13:33

Peace,

Denis

P.S. That girl from the Health and Beauty Aids Department stills cries whenever she hears Silent Night. And in January we will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. All is calm; all is bright!

Saints and saints

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Today our Church celebrates All Saints Day. Yesterday was All Saints Eve or All Hallow’s Eve which in turn has become Halloween. Tradition tells us that many years ago folks dressed up to honor their patron saints. That may well indeed be the origin of Halloween costumes. Most European towns and many American cities have Patron Saints. Many towns and cities are even named after saints – Saint Louis, Saint Paul, San Francisco, to name a few. Even today most Catholics of a certain age bear a saint’s name. There are also patron saints of occupations, afflictions, animals, hobbies, students, mothers, fathers, soldiers, even pawnbrokers.

Why this obsession and fascination with saints? Maybe it’s just hero-worship but I suspect it’s something more. Saints give us an example to live by. Saints give us hope. Saints remind us that we can be “saintly” too. Some saints weren’t always so saintly – Paul for instance or Augustine. Some were poor and simple – San Juan Diego and some were rich and powerful – King Louis of France. But all saints followed the call of Christ. Each in their own way. We can too.

IMG_8629Of course the Church has officially recognized thousands of Saints but what of those who have passed before us that we know in our hearts to be saints? Many of us have beloved parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and cousins who have walked with Jesus and have been a shining example of His love. Catholic tradition tells us that we can (and should) ask the saints to pray for us; to intercede on our behalf. I find tremendous comfort in knowing that a loving aunt or grandparent might pray for me; might actually be in the presence of God and speak my name.

I honor the Saints today – my patron Denis and Joseph the patron of fathers but mostly I ask the saints with whom I’ve shared my life; those whom I’ve loved; to remember me on this day and every day.

This week our granddaughter’s first grade class held a special prayer service in honor of All Saints Day. Anna was Saint Anne, mother of Mary, grandmother of Jesus. Watching her process down the aisle with all the other “saints” in her class was nothing short of miraculous – a beautiful reminder of the bounty of love and faith in our midst. And once again I was blessed…

Peace,

Denis

May I have a seat at this table?

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Mass began on Sunday with the hymn “All Are Welcome In This Place“.  I love this song and I truly felt welcomed and joyful. But not for long…

TableOur transitional deacon (he plans to be ordained next year) was the homilist. Like many of the newer priests and deacons this guy is an ultra-conservative. He took it upon himself to “set the record straight” on the recent Synod on Family taking place in Rome. This synod is a big deal (or should be) for Catholics. Pope Francis convened the bishops of the world to discuss the Church’s teachings on matters such as divorce, same-sex marriage, family planning, in-vitro fertilization and euthanasia. Initial press reports indicated, in my opinion, some much needed reform. Our young deacon felt the need to explain that the media had distorted the message of the synod and launched into a diatribe about abortion and marriage. No mention was made of the Church’s stance on capital punishment or preference for the poor, instead he only focused on sexual sin. He affirmed that NO CHANGE IN CHURCH DOCTRINE WOULD EVER HAPPEN. Because we live in a upper middle-class community in a very conservative state, most in attendance seemed to be comforted by his words. I was not.

I couldn’t help but think of the countless couples in our church being denied communion because of divorce and remarriage. My heart broke for those members of our parish who are gay or lesbian – once again being made to feel that they are not worthy. And what of the parents and friends in our parish community who have loved ones no longer welcomed? Instead of reaching out to us, with the love of Christ, this deacon took an opportunity to remind us of THE RULES.

So while we were all singing, “Built of hopes and dreams and visions, rock of faith and vault of grace; Here the love of Christ shall end divisions”, this deacon was no doubt mulling over just how he was going to impress upon us that we are indeed divided, and that we should put aside any hopes and dreams and visions of a loving, all-inclusive Church. This made me very sad. And I am especially sad for this soon-to-be priest. How will he ever shepherd, if he is blind to so many in his flock?

At the conclusion of the Synod on the Family, Pope Francis warned some in the hierarchy, “(There is) a temptation toward hostile inflexibility, that is, wanting to close oneself within the written word, and not allowing oneself to be surprised by God, by the God of surprises; within the law, we remain within the certitude of what we know and not of what we still need to learn and to achieve.”

Maybe someday I’ll get a seat at the table where we’re all welcome. I love the God of surprises!

Peace,

Denis

I Fell In Love Ten Years Ago

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Our oldest granddaughter Charlise is ten years old today. Ten years! It seems like yesterday that she was born. I suppose all parents (and grandparents?) look back on the day their child was born with feelings of nostalgia and wonder.

Charlise was born a month early and even though Deb made a quick trip to Florida shortly after her birth, I couldn’t get away from work as quickly. We went back to Florida together by the time she was nearly a month old. Of course I had seen hundreds of photos by then but I will never forget the first time that I held her in my arms. It was love at first sight. She was this tiny, beautiful, precious, baby girl. Her skin was so soft that I could barely feel it with my rough hands. She was everything I’d ever hoped for and I prayed that one day I would be a grandfather worthy of such a miracle.

CharliseWell that was ten years ago. Today my girl is more beautiful, if that is even possible. She is a sweet, smart, funny, caring girl who never stops amazing me with the love she shares. I may be prejudiced, but I believe if you met her you would agree that she is just simply a good girl. Every teacher is happy to have her in their classroom. Every coach wants her on their team. Every scout leader wants her in their troop. Every parent is happy for their kid to call her friend.

At times it makes me a little melancholy to think about how fast she has grown. I can already see the kind of adult she will be: Strong, confident, loving, kind. She will make her mark in this world. Her love of others will always be a guiding force and she will surely be successful in all of her endeavors. I hope that I’m around to see the woman she will become. I know that she has some scathingly brilliant ideas!

But that will all have to wait. She’s remains my little girl even though she’s a BIG ten year-old! There are still times when she climbs up on my lap and hugs my neck and I’m carried back to that moment ten years ago when I first fell in love…

Happy Birthday Peanut!

Love,

Pawpaw