Commentary

Don’t Worry – Be Happy!

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

I’m a natural-born worrier. My mom is a worrier. My grandpa (her dad) was a worrier. So I come from a long line of worriers. I’m sometimes frustrated that others (Deborah) don’t seem to worry at all. I actually worry that she’s not worrying enough! Okay so I’m a little neurotic – and I’m worried about that, too.  So you see worry ‘breeds’ more worry.

Don’t confuse my worrisome nature with fear. I’m not really afraid of much (except that some people don’t worry enough). But fear is different. I know that I will face heartache and disappointment in my life. I know that there will be great sadness at times. I realize that I can’t control ANYTHING except my response/reaction/acceptance of the shitty stuff that life sometimes deals. And I’m (mostly) okay with that. Prayer helps. So do loved ones. And the knowledge that we are basically equipped to handle most of life’s challenges.

But I worry about stupid stuff that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. AND I know that my worrying won’t help anyway. So why worry? Or as Deb suggests, “don’t worry so much”. I wish it were that easy – to “let go and let God'”. To “not sweat the small stuff”. To “relax”. It’s easier said than done. And of course, as I’ve said, I worry about worrying. Am I taking years off my life? Am I sapping the fun out of life’s little joyful moments because I’m worried about some foolish things? Probably.

I’m trying – really trying to be more relaxed. Starting today I’m going to not let inconsenquential stuff drive me so crazy. As God is my witness – I AM GOING TO BECOME CAREFREE. I’ll let others do the worrying for a change (maybe even for good?)

Of course right now I’m sitting in an airport terminal and a baby is crawling on the floor – YES, the filthy floor at the gate and the mother is oblivious to the harm she may be doing to this child. Did I mention that said baby is also putting her hands in her mouth? Fat little hands on filthy floor – fat little hands in mouth! Geez! I want to go ‘Purell’ myself after witnessing this. Hey lady, why not just lay your baby down on the public restroom floor? Plus there’s a guy with his shoes off! Big, gross, hairy feet – crawling baby. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit!

Holy crap – this not worrying thing is going to be harder than I thought.

Peace,

Denis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU&ob=av2e

Self-inflicted Pain

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Last year I decided to “get in shape”. Now for the record I wasn’t actually out of shape because technically I had never been in shape. I liked being kind of soft and mushy and my solution to my ever-expanding waistline was brilliant: buy new clothes. But after a high blood pressure reading, some aches and pains and a general feeling of fatigue; I decided that I didn’t want to be fat, frumpy and fiftyish anymore.

So I embarked on my odyssey of self-improvement or as I prefer to call it – self-inflicted pain. I know that diet and exercise is more appealing when we refer to it as “a lifestyle change” but let’s not kid ourselves – it’s still DIET and EXERCISE. What’s particularly frustrating (to me anyway) is that it works. I wanted to take a magic pill or buy some fancy machine that would transform me into my vision of health and fitness. The infomercials on T.V. make it look so easy – hmmm, could it be that those ads are deceptive? What really helped me get kick-started was a “Biggest Loser” competition we had at work – I love to win stuff! So I started counting calories, making healthier food choices and began the dreaded exercise regime.

Turns out exercise isn’t that much fun. But I’ve learned to adjust my way of thinking and I usually start my day out on the treadmill. I have an hour of quiet time – sometimes I pray; often I listen to music via my iPod; and sometimes I just enjoy the peaceful silence (although my panting and gasping initially was a distraction). I give myself the morning for me – the fact that I’m walking has become incidental – I have reserved that time just for me. And that’s the beauty – it feels a little selfish and indulgent – and I like that!

BEFORE

As far as the DIET, I have just increased the good stuff and decreased the bad stuff. Again, pretty simple concept. I was fortunate enough to meet with a dietician and get some sound advice: DON’T DRINK YOUR CALORIES – FIBER IS YOUR FRIEND – EAT SMALLER PORTIONS – BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. And I love my new foods and I’ve learned that water really is God’s perfect beverage. So I guess it is “a life-style change” and it works. But I hate to admit that sometimes I have ‘doughnut dreams’.

I also joined a gym and I had a few sessions with a trainer named Jake (but after the first session I had another name for that little sadist). We worked on ‘my core’. Which was startling to me because I didn’t know that I possessed a core and I didn’t’ realize that ‘working’ on it would make me want to cry like a little girl and then throw up. Did I mention that I HATE Jake? Now I go to the gym a few days each week and I continue to work on my core and well as cardio and other stuff. I still give Jake the ‘stink-eye’ whenever I see him – that little jerk! But each day at the gym is a day that I’m not sitting on my bottom. So I guess it’s true – that you can either use it or lose it. I’m not power lifting or anything like that; I’m just hoping to hang on to what I’ve got – it seems that after 50 what doesn’t fall off – falls apart. I’m just trying to slow that natural progression.

AFTER

The good news: Diet and exercise works! I’ve lost 50 pounds. My blood pressure is great. My cholesterol is low. And I feel better than I have in years. So it seems that my self-inflicted pain has paid off. And my reward is that I can (maybe) look forward to a longer life.

Now I had better start thinking about making some changes on the inside – that’s where the real work is needed. More acceptance – less judgment. More tolerance – less prejudice. More joy – less regret. More love – less hate. This change won’t require self-inflicted pain. It should be the opposite. Surrendering to God’s love won’t be easy (for me) but the only painful part will be letting go of my need to be in control. This past year I transformed my body; it might take a little while longer to transform my soul but I’ve got an excellent trainer in Jesus…

My soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope. Psalms 62:6

Peace,

Denis

“The Customer’s Always Right” – right?

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There’s an old adage that says, “The Customer’s Always Right”.  I grew up believing that.  And in retail stores, as in most businesses, customers ultimately pay the employees salaries. Without customers, there is no business!

Working from that premise I decided to take my complaint to The Store Manager.  The Store Manager is one of those lofty individuals that can say YES after other store employees, that have been programmed to do so, say NO.  So when I ask to “speak to the Store Manager” I’ve come to expect that my concern/complaint/issue will be given the proper solemn important attention that it deserves.  After all, MY PROBLEM is of the utmost significance to me, and therefore should be to The Store Manager as well.

Well that’s where I was wrong!  Let me give you a little background:  At issue is the fact that while still under warranty our television lost video and audio reception.  It was wrongly diagnosed twice by The BIG BOX STORE’s repair dude and the manufacturer’s Support Team and finally after more than 6 months of on-again off-again T.V. it was determined that the panel is bad (whatever that means?).  Of course now our television is no longer under warranty.  Had the correct problem been identified back in February, parts and repairs would have been covered.  Now we are looking at a $1,280.00 part plus labor costs of several hundred dollars!   

So I went to speak to The Store Manager to see what she could do to help me.  After waiting the better part of an hour (several other assistant managers and such tried to intercede on her behalf but I knew that my problem was likely out of their authority to resolve – so I waited) the Store Manager finally arrived clearly annoyed that I had insisted on speaking with only her.  Immediately her demeanor was combative and extremely rude.  When I asked her why she had kept me waiting so long, her response was, “You are not my boss and I don’t have to explain myself to you!” 

Wow!  I worked in retail years ago and that would have been cause for immediate termination ‘back in the day’ but this was THE STORE MANAGER – I guess things have changed.  Wowzer!  Needless to say, she did not appreciate my “rightness” and I am now dealing with her supervisor, and The Better Business Bureau, and The CEO of BIG BOX STORE and God only knows who else.

I’ve been assured, by a VP of BIG BOX Something or other, that EVERYTHING will be repaired at no cost to us, but I’m still waiting.  And I’m still waiting for my letter of apology from The Store Manager.  Hope hell doesn’t freeze over the day that arrives!

Is it so wrong to be right?

Peace,

Denis

Petite Chérie

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My friend (and work associate) is having a baby!  Her baby is due in January – new year; new baby.  Sherry will make a wonderful mother and she’s been waiting a long time for this opportunity.  I won’t tell you her exact age; let’s just say she’s in her 40’s.  Many women would be apprehensive about starting motherhood after 40 but Sherry seems to be embracing it with all her heart and soul – mostly soul.  Her husband has four grown daughters but this is Sherry’s first child and it will be a girl, too.  She just had the ultrasound last week to confirm that she is indeed carrying ‘Petite Chérie’.  This is not going to actually be the baby’s name but it is the name that I’ve given her – Little Dear One.  What could be more fitting?  Sherry is LOVED by everyone in our office and it stands to reason that her baby girl will be loved by us all as well.  She will be our ‘Petite Chérie’. 

I love babies!  What a ingenious way for God to start people.  Yet proof again of God’s supreme plan for Creation.  If we were born as our adult selves no one be nearly as excited about it.  Congratulations – here’s your middle-aged, balding, more than-slightly overweight son.  Or here’s your pre-menopausal, daughter with ‘crows feet’ and a bad dye-job!  No thanks! 

But babies come to us pure and unspoiled.  They have ‘sweet baby smell’ and make gurgling sounds and they are completely helpless AND completely adorable.  I know why Sherry wants a baby – because babies are God’s reminder that the world deserves another chance.  ‘Petite Chérie’ will change our world (or at the very least, Sherry and Rodney’s) one heart at a time.  She will be loved and she will love and serve God and mankind.  She will be a joy to all around her because of the tremendous example she has in her parents. 

‘Petite Chérie’ means Little Dear One and that is what she will be!  I hope that I will get to see her grow up; but not too fast.  I want to relish her first steps and her first words even if it will be vicariously through Mama Sherry.  I pray that in the future she will know how much she was wanted and how patiently her mother waited for her.

I also pray that she has the same patience with her parents when someday she wants to hurry things along a bit too fast.  Be still Dear Little One your time is at hand!  You’ve been waited for so long; please let us “baby you” for awhile.

Peace,

Denis

Don’t Say No

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Recently my daughter suggested that I need to tell my granddaughter no.  The conversation went something like this:  Daughter – “Dad, you need to learn how to tell her no!”  Me – “Why should I?”  “You think I need to learn how to tell her no?  I don’t think so!”

Seriously, could you tell this face no?

And really, why should I?  Anna (the angel-faced granddaughter) and I have a deal.  She asks for something and I give it to her.  It’s a great system – she’s happy; I’m happy.  We like being happy – it’s the parental units that are such spoil-sports.  And when Anna says. “Peez, Pawpaw…?” Who am I to deny her?

Now in fairness, I don’t let her have EVERYTHING she wants.  But really is a little ice cream or another episode of “Wonder Pets®” or “Dora the Explorer®” going to do any permanent harm?  She’s two; I’m fifty-five and we really like ice cream and Dora!  I will admit that I’m a soft-touch.  Those big green eyes and that sweet smile melt my heart like butter on a summer day.  But I don’t let her have EVERYTHING; only mostly everything.

Actually the STUFF that I try to give her is time, attention, and love.  Not that toys, ice cream and the occasional Nick Jr.® don’t sometimes work their way in there.  But being the grandfather of a two year-old is the very essence of freedom.  You get to abandon social norms.  Giggling and making silly faces is mandatory.  Hugs and kisses are acceptable barter for more of whatever is needed (not needed – wanted according to responsible adults – see above).  

I figure I’m living on borrowed time.  Someday Anna will figure out that I’m just another cranky old man.  It won’t be exciting to go to the Dollar Tree® and pick out anything she wants when she’s 12 and my very presence embarrasses her.  She won’t want to snuggle when she’s a teenager and HATES EVERYONE.  Right now my jokes are funny and my silliness is ‘de rigueur’.  Soon enough I will be someone she doesn’t really have that much time for.  Oh, she’ll be kind and loving but it won’t be the same.  

But right now we revel in our two year-old silliness and I continue to say YES.  My daughter and son-in-law can say no all they want.  Heck, they can tell me no (as if it would do any good!), but I’m sticking with my ‘Don’t Say No’ policy.  After all, that’s what Pawpaws are for.

Peace,

Denis

Is God a Man or a Woman?

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If we are all created in God’s image; what about women?  In Genesis we read, “God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them.  Wow, we are made in God’s own image – male and female!  So ‘God the Father’ is just as likely ‘God the Mother’.  Back in 1978, Pope John Paul I said, “We need to call God ‘mother’ as well as ‘father.’ ” And still over 30 years later the Catholic Church continues to disallow women a place at the table.  If God is male and female, then why deny ordination to women?  If God is feminine and masculine why not celebrate God’s femininity as well as his masculinity?  I love the image of God as father/protector but I find equally comforting the image of God as mother/nurturer.  The Church hierarchy appears afraid of either losing control or they think that a female clergy might reveal how deeply our Church has been wounded by the patriarchy currently ‘running the show’.  If these guys were smarter, they would let the women join in to do the ‘heavy lifting’.  The gals could be balancing budgets and dealing with those pesky laypeople while the boys were busy working on their golf games or their homilies (now there’s an opportunity for improvement!). 

It seems to me that if God has ‘gifted’ women with the joy of being co-creators by carrying the world’s future persons in their wombs the least our Church should do is allow them to approach the altar.  The denial of ordination for women suggests that women are still considered second class citizens.  Please don’t misunderstand me:  I know and love some amazing priests and I know and love some dedicated and gifted women religious (nuns) but would it be so bad if one or a thousand of these dedicated religious women became priests?  What are we afraid of?

Women of spirit, love and intelligence have so much to offer our Church and the continued denial by Church hierarchy only adds more wounds to an already wounded Body of Christ.  Years of apostolic scandal and deceit only further alienate a fragmented Church.  The idea of God as ‘mother’ as well as ‘father’ shouldn’t frighten us.  It should liberate us.  If a male-dominated clergy is about control then it stands to reason that an inclusive clergy would be about deliverance.  I will admit that thinking about God as woman is a paradigm shift for most people.  God the Father, after all sits up in the clouds with a long white beard – even Gary Larson the cartoonist believed that.  And a mother-God makes some people fearful because it brings to mind thoughts of witchcraft or sorcery or some New-Age Earth Mother image. 

Perhaps the problem lies not in whether God is a woman or a man but in our human need to make God smaller; to envision God in strictly human form.  It is very limiting to put God in that box. God is not human and can’t be defined in simple human terms.  God’s power and majesty is only equal to God’s love and forgiveness.  Jesus who was human and divine was God’s sacrifice offered for all of us.  Jesus was male but that doesn’t restrict God to only human characteristics.  I personally don’t want a small, limited God.  My God is boundless and eternal.  God is not human; therefore human descriptions of God are always flawed.

I have Evangelical friends that will consider my opinions heresy – I KNOW WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS.  And I have conservative Catholic friends who are convinced that when they’re in Purgatory working off a few thousand years for eating meat on a Friday during Lent, they’ll be looking down at me in HELL for just thinking about this stuff!

I may be all wrong.  I usually am.  But when I get to heaven (oh yes, I’m planning on going there), I will ask God if He/She is male and female.  And then I’ll have an eternity to ‘wrap my head around’ whatever the answer may be.

Peace,

Denis

Entertainment Value

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One of the guys on my staff has told me that he comes to work sometimes purely for the entertainment value.  I have to admit that sometimes I do too.  Our office is probably not unique with its assortment of odd inhabitants but they’re the ones that I have to deal with everyday; so it’s all I know.  Some days are weirder than others and usually all you can do is laugh (screaming and cussing is frowned upon even when justified – stupid HR rules). 

There is a person in our office that appears to be a cross between “Doc Brown” from “Back to the Future” and ‘The Clown’ from Stephen King’s “It”.  But he acts stranger than either of those characters.  There’s the ‘Office Know-It-All’ – if you ask that person for the time, they tell you how to build a watch.  No office would be complete without the ‘Brown-noser’, although as the boss I’m only slightly annoyed by this one.  But then of course, there’s the woman who always gives ‘left-handed compliments’ – she can insult you with a smile!  At times I am truly in awe of her ‘gift’.  And then there are our customers and vendors – we have, “The Drama Queen”, “The Jerk-ass” and there’s the overbearingly loud woman, who if she were Native American would be named, ‘One Who Shouts Constantly’ – even her e-mails are in ALL CAPS!  I could go on and on.  And I’m sure they all have their opinions of me – no matter how wrong they are.

The good news is that for every weirdo in any building there are at least two normal people (or people like me that think they’re normal) and of course the weirdos in every office have weirdo friends that think that they’re normal (like me) – don’t think about this too long or you’ll get a headache. 

What a wonderful world we live in!  A world where we can come to work and be entertained by others’ odd behavior and appearance or we can be the entertainers.  Either way it makes work fun and I believe that it helps relieve stress.  As the boss, I like to think of myself as a benevolent dictator – I try to allow a certain amount of foolishess in the workplace.  So if we can laugh at one another and be playful without being hurtful then I’ll be the ‘biggest duck in the puddle’.  Some things are off-limits and common sense should always prevail.  But let’s all try to lighten-up.

Personally I’m glad that God has a sense of humor – he created me didn’t he?  And if I can provide some entertainment value for my staff, customers, and vendors so be it.  Just take it easy on the skinny-leg jokes!  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Peace,

Denis

It’s Not The Heat; It’s The Humidity

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We’re having a heat wave in Saint Louis right now.  Triple digit temperatures with heat indexes nearing 120 degrees.  When people complain about the heat around here, you often hear other people say, “It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity”.  We actually make excuses for the weather – like somehow the heat doesn’t mean to be so hot; “if it just weren’t for that darn humidity!”

How often do we all make excuses (or allowances) for other people’s bad behavior or bad manners or bad mood?  I used to make excuses for my kids all the time – “he’s tired” or “she didn’t mean to…” or “he’s just being a boy”.  And we make excuses for bad adult behavior, too – “everybody knows not to talk to her before she’s had her coffee”.  Often women will make excuses for their husbands – “he doesn’t know how to do anything around the house”.  REALLY?  Doesn’t know or doesn’t want to know?

My point is that we seldom hold people accountable for their actions.  If someone behaves badly there MUST be a reason – something is beyond their control.  Or maybe if I really took the time to figure out what was bothering them, then I could help.  Or perhaps I just misunderstood what they said or did, etc., etc.  I have a friend that CONSTANTLY makes allowances for everyone.  She has such a good heart and is so trusting that she always believes in the goodness of others.  I used to joke that in High School she was probably voted ‘Most Likely to Date a Serial Killer’.  She shames me with her kindness!

Now I know that I tend to be a little cynical at times and I might sometimes jump to the conclusion that someone is just being a lout.  But really, I think that sometimes some people are just being a–holes.  I don’t know; maybe they just like being jerks.  But I for one refuse to accept boorish behavior.  Sadness, grief, pain, heartache – okay.  Simply being bombastic because you can?  Take it somewhere else! 

Starting today, I am going on notice that I will no longer tolerate, accommodate, or otherwise make excuses for ANYONE that can’t be civil or won’t grow up and deal with their own issues.  IT IS THE HEAT AND THE HUMIDITY!  DEAL WITH IT!

Sorry for the rant but this heat has really taken a toll on me.  I usually don’t go on like this…

Peace,

Denis

Happy Birthday Deborah!

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Today is my wife’s birthday – I won’t tell her age.  Let’s just say that we’ve spent a few birthdays together in the last 35 years.  Birthdays sort of lose their excitement after too many years.  Birthdays are lots of fun when you’re a kid – balloons and cupcakes!  And then when you’re REALLY OLD and Willard Scott announces your name on T.V. they get exciting again – can you believe he or she is still alive?  Deb and I are in-between the excitement.  But that doesn’t mean we won’t celebrate in our own way.

Daughter and son-in-law have suggested dinner and cake but Deb’s a little ‘under the weather’ today so that may have to wait.  Of course my gift to her won’t arrive until tomorrow – damn you UPS!  So this birthday is going to register near the bottom of the GREATEST BIRTHDAYS EVER list.  But still we will celebrate.

We’ll celebrate another year together.  Another year of life.  And look back on all the great times we’ve had and look forward to all the great times ahead.  We have lots to celebrate – next weekend my best friend’s son is getting married; in 4 weeks my nephew is getting married; in 6 weeks our third grandchild is due; and in 3 months my niece is getting married.  And in November our son Tyson will have 30 days of leave and will be home!

So even though today is not going to be “Birthday-palooza”, Debbie will have some cheer.  Hopefully her aches and pain will give way to a moment or two of joy, even if the real celebration has to wait until a better day.

Happy Birthday Deb!  I hope that I’m still somewhere in one of your wishes when you blow out the candles.

Love,

Denis

Lil’ Orange

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Today Lil’ Orange died.  Lil’ Orange was our granddaughter Anna’s pet goldfish.  Anna is two years old, so Lil’ Orange’s death came as a complete surprise to her.  I’m told she was sobbing and crying out for her ‘baby fish’.  It is heartbreaking and I wanted to rush to her side!  I’m certain that a replacement later today will ease her pain.  Until then Goldie, the surviving goldfish, will have the bowl to herself.  FYI – all goldfish are girls according to Anna. 

Anna with Pawpaw

The death of Lil’ Orange has upset me, too.  Anna now has to confront death.  She has to learn that nothing or no one lasts forever.  And she may or may not find solace in the idea of “fish heaven”.  A tiny piece of her innocence is gone forever…

This is one of those “teachable moments” that some parents hope for and all parents must face.  The first loss most children experience is the death of a pet. Of course, now Anna is very focused on this event – what does it mean that Lil’ Orange died?  This is a great opportunity for Mommy and Daddy to teach her about death and new life.  Her sadness will be temporary but the knowledge and understanding that she gains should last her lifetime.

No parent (or grandparent) wants to see a two year old grieve but hopefully with tenderness and patience, Anna will come to accept Lil’ Orange’s passing as part of God’s greater plan.  She will find comfort in knowing that Mommy and Daddy care about her loss.  She will be consoled by their concern toward her and her pet.  And she will understand that sometimes bad things happen, but love always remains.

I still want to rush to her side, hug her and kiss away her tears.  I’d like to lie to her and tell her that Lil’ Orange was just taking a nap and will be back soon.  But I know that my daughter and son-in-law are smarter than that.  They will use this “teachable moment” to educate Anna and instill in her compassion and love – the same compassion and love that they will show her during this agonizing time.  Now, I need a hug…

Lil’ Orange R.I.P.

Peace,

Denis