I’m a natural-born worrier. My mom is a worrier. My grandpa (her dad) was a worrier. So I come from a long line of worriers. I’m sometimes frustrated that others (Deborah) don’t seem to worry at all. I actually worry that she’s not worrying enough! Okay so I’m a little neurotic – and I’m worried about that, too. So you see worry ‘breeds’ more worry.
Don’t confuse my worrisome nature with fear. I’m not really afraid of much (except that some people don’t worry enough). But fear is different. I know that I will face heartache and disappointment in my life. I know that there will be great sadness at times. I realize that I can’t control ANYTHING except my response/reaction/acceptance of the shitty stuff that life sometimes deals. And I’m (mostly) okay with that. Prayer helps. So do loved ones. And the knowledge that we are basically equipped to handle most of life’s challenges.
But I worry about stupid stuff that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. AND I know that my worrying won’t help anyway. So why worry? Or as Deb suggests, “don’t worry so much”. I wish it were that easy – to “let go and let God'”. To “not sweat the small stuff”. To “relax”. It’s easier said than done. And of course, as I’ve said, I worry about worrying. Am I taking years off my life? Am I sapping the fun out of life’s little joyful moments because I’m worried about some foolish things? Probably.
I’m trying – really trying to be more relaxed. Starting today I’m going to not let inconsenquential stuff drive me so crazy. As God is my witness – I AM GOING TO BECOME CAREFREE. I’ll let others do the worrying for a change (maybe even for good?)
Of course right now I’m sitting in an airport terminal and a baby is crawling on the floor – YES, the filthy floor at the gate and the mother is oblivious to the harm she may be doing to this child. Did I mention that said baby is also putting her hands in her mouth? Fat little hands on filthy floor – fat little hands in mouth! Geez! I want to go ‘Purell’ myself after witnessing this. Hey lady, why not just lay your baby down on the public restroom floor? Plus there’s a guy with his shoes off! Big, gross, hairy feet – crawling baby. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit!
Holy crap – this not worrying thing is going to be harder than I thought.