Author: Denis Wilhelm

What About The Unholy?

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Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. Matthew 16:24

This was part our Sunday readings at Mass this week.  There are any number of ways to reflect on Jesus’ words of caution to Peter in Matthew’s Gospel. The seminarian (priest in-training) at our parish decided to tell us about his personal experience of giving up his potential material success to follow God’s call. He seemed (to me anyway) to be holding himself up as an example of sacrifice. He could have so much more (wife, kids, home & hearth) but instead he’s going to be a priest. Of course because of my cynical nature I’m always a bit suspect of anyone who tells me how much they sacrifice; how holy they are; how worthy they are; etc., etc., etc.

CrossI have been bothered by this message since Sunday. I can’t be a priest. Nor would I want to be. I’m kind of plodding along in my sinfulness as best I can. When I read Matthew’s Gospel and think about “denying myself” I don’t really think that Jesus is saying that I should give up all my stuff and live on the streets. And most of the priests that I know have comfortable housing, full-time cooks, housekeepers, gardeners and laundresses. That’s hardly sacrifice in my book. But I digress.

I’m unholy and I’m a mess most days but the message in Matthew’s Gospel for me is simple: Quit being so sinful. Stop being so selfish. Try to be more loving. Quit expecting more and giving less. Take up the cross of a crying baby in the middle of the night. Take up the cross of a disloyal friend or family member. Take up the cross of an angry customer or boss or employee. Take up the cross of a neglected/neglecting spouse. Take up the cross of a (nearly) unlovable teenager. Take up the cross of poor health. Take up the cross of financial hardships. Take up the cross of disappointments and heartaches. Carry those crosses and still love God. Carry those crosses and still love your neighbor. Carry those crosses and still love yourself.

And follow Jesus…

Peace,

Denis

 

 

My Sweet Boy

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I have one grandson. His name is Noah. He’s almost 4 years old now. For me it was love at first sight. I’m pretty sure he likes me, too. Turns out that Noah and I are alike in many ways. We both have blue eyes (although mine are more blue-green). We are both fair-haired (although mine is more white than blond). We share a favorite color – blue. We both love chocolate. We’re both very funny (really – we are!) and we like to make other people laugh. We both adore his Mommy, his Nana, and his big sister. And we love his Daddy, too.

noah and me 2I believe that Noah is mature for his age and understands some very adult concepts and this may be why we are so simpatico. But truth be told, I suppose I am more comfortable acting like a four year-old most of the time and this is the real reason we get along so well. We like to play the same games – cars and trucks or Legos® or Playdoh®. Building things and imagination are a big part of our playtime together. And we love the girls. His sister and his cousins are always welcome to play with us (and we will even endure tea parties and such).

We’ve enjoyed reading books together, playing in the park or backyard, and he loves for me to tell him stories about when I was a boy. “Pawpaw, tell me again about when you were little.” So I’ve taught him a few things along the way and shared lots of stories and I have been amazed at times at just how beautiful he truly is.

And now he is teaching me. He just started preschool and on the second day he was awarded two stickers for ‘good listening’ and for ‘singing’. Another student in his class received no stickers and was very disappointed. Noah, without being asked, gave one of his stickers to the child that had received none. Noah freely gave what was his to relieve the other child’s sadness.

How often have I held on to what was MINE? How many times have I turned a blind eye and a cold heart to those in need? A simple act of kindness can heal a wound; repair a broken heart; forge a friendship. Noah taught me that.

There’s not much that makes me happier in this life than when Noah runs to me, jumps into my arms, and wraps his arms around my neck. The fact that now I’m learning from this little man is just sublime!

Peace,

Denis

 

The Lesson I Learned Watching National Velvet

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Recently two of our granddaughters spent the night. Part of the requisite for a sleepover is a movie. Usually it’s some Disney® or Pixar® animated “new release” but this time my wife suggested a classic: Elizabeth Taylor’s National Velvet.

What a treat! Not only was it a nice diversion from the usual fare but it is a beautiful film from 1944 that tells the tale of a girl who, against all odds, wins the British Grand National Steeplechase. Our granddaughters were mesmerized. First by the fact that they love horses; secondly by the fact that Velvet, the young girl played by Elizabeth Taylor, was disqualified because she was a girl (only boy jockeys were allowed in 1944). The girls were both delighted and outraged. They know full well that they can do anything boys can do.

My own little equestrian

My own little equestrian

But the message of the film was not lost on them. Velvet’s success in training and racing her horse and ultimately winning the race was what mattered. The recognition and prize money were less important. Velvet loved and believed in her horse and her reward was knowing that together they had achieved greatness regardless of what society deemed worthy or acceptable.

Of course I love my granddaughters but my pride in seeing them embrace a film that is not cutesy or Disney-fied is hard for me to put into words. They might have struggled with some of the British accents and some of the antiquated ideas from the 1940’s but they followed the story and cheered for Velvet and her horse. They both spoke later about how the important thing was that Velvet never gave up on her dream. Pretty profound for a six and nine year-old.

I’m guilty of sometimes dumbing-down stuff for my grandkids. I try to take some of the harshness out of reality. I want every day for them to be all sweetness and light. And I always want them to have rainbows and fairytale endings. But that’s not really such a good idea after all.

The girls taught me a valuable lesson the other night. I know now that they are tougher than I thought. They will be able to handle disappointment and heartache in life because they realize that they are surrounded by love. And they are capable of tremendous compassion. I’m certain that they will be winning their own “championships” someday and that their gains will be in character, faith and love.

It seems certain that there is much more they will be teaching me in the future. I can hardly wait…

Peace,

Denis

The Long and Short of It

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My beautiful wife Debbie is 4′-11″ tall. I’m 6′-1″. Height differences have been challenging at times to say the least. Disagreements about where things should be placed (top shelf or bottom shelf; overhead or underneath) have been a source of conflict through the years. Also purchasing furniture, cabinets, and automobiles that fit both of us can be quite challenging. Our daily lives have been consumed with readjusting mirrors, car seats, step stools, computer monitors, and anything else that will allow height accommodations. We are simply physically mismatched.

Deb meOf course our physical differences are just part of the challenge. I’m all – hurry, hurry let’s go! She’s all – slow down; calm down. I need a well thought-out plan. She runs on feelings and often laughs at my plans. I’m an early bird that loves to rise and shine. She’s a night owl who requires silence and coffee in the morning. I’m very linear. She usually colors outside the lines.

Through the years we have learned that differences are not detrimental to a successful relationship. In fact, just the opposite. My wife and I actually complement one another. We fill in each others voids. We carry one another when necessary. I realize that life with another person just like me would be boring. And I also believe that two Debbies could be disaster (or far too much fun depending on your perspective).

Our marriage might serve as an example for others. If we can get along, so can you. And so should nations, political parties, neighborhoods, schools districts, churches, and kids on the playground. Being different from one another needn’t make us enemies. Respecting the talents and gifts that we each share is worth the risk of not always being right.

Deb and I somehow have managed to live together in spite of our 14″ difference in height. Her hand rests perfectly inside mine. And the other differences usually sort themselves out, too. I suppose abundant love and unending patience helps. But I suspect that sometimes it’s just not worth the fight. That’s why God created adjustable car seats and step stools.

 While we were living in England a cabbie once chuckled as we entered his taxi and said, “Well Governor, you two are certainly the long and short of it!” We all shared a good laugh.

Of course he had no idea that we fit so well together…

Peace,

Denis

P.S. Happy Birthday Deb! I love you and I love the fact that we are indeed ‘the long and short of it’.

 

 

If church could be like the beach, I would go every day…

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Last week we were in Florida. Every year when we make our annual jaunt to the Gulf of Mexico I realize that I could very easily become a beach bum. I love the beach. I love the sound of the waves crashing. I love being in the water even with the occasional seaweed wrapping around my legs. Give me a sunny day on the shore with a Corona® or a margarita and a beach chair and I could be happy for hours (or at least until the drinks run dry or the sun goes down).

beachI think the best thing about being on the beach is that no one seems to care about how you look; if you’re on time; if you’re rich or poor; if you’re well-read; if you’re young or old; if you’re fit or a little flabby. Of course when you are on the beach you will see some beautiful beach bodies and some hideous creatures, too. I’d like to think that I fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. But it doesn’t matter. Anything goes. The beach is the great equalizer. If you want to run along the shore that’s fine. If you want to lay on a blanket or a lounge chair all day that’s fine, too. If you want to build sand castles or search for sea shells or watch for dolphin sightings, or ride the waves on your boogie board, or just feel the sand between your toes, no one cares. No one judges what you do or don’t do.

Everyone seems to accept you as you are. And no one seems to be bothered to follow anyone else’s idea of what beach time should be. No schools. No rules. No fools. Just be yourself. And be accepted. The beach has room for all.

I’d like to think our church could be like the beach: Room for all. No need for everyone to be the same. Or have the same expectations of holiness. I believe that like the beach, our Eucharist is the great equalizer. We all come to the table from different places but we share in the love of Christ. God doesn’t judge us on our appearance or actions (or inactions) but what is in our hearts.

Like the beach, the church should have room for us all. And a little sunshine wouldn’t hurt once in a while.

Peace,

Denis

Forever

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My wife and I got married young – very young. And there were folks back then who thought that our marriage wouldn’t last. They were wrong. We’ve been together for nearly 40 years; through good times and bad. And I expect we will be together forever. And forever is a long, long time…

I sometimes hear people say “nothing lasts forever” but I challenge that statement. Here’s a list of some things that last forever (in no particular order):

  • My life with Debbie
  • God
  • Memories (good and bad ones)
  • Weeds
  • Words (good and bad ones)
  • The way that “home” makes you feel
  • “I Love Lucy” reruns
  • The line at the DMV
  • My to-do list (it just keeps getting longer)
  • Imagination
  • Hope
  • Love

CaptureSo while there is a lot in our world today that is disposable, some things do remain forever. I would like to think that I still have a lot of time left on this Earth but even if I don’t, I believe that a part of me will live on. I can see it in the love that my children and grandchildren share. When you’re young, forever seems like – well forever, but as I get older forever seems achievable. Immortality isn’t about keeping this body alive. Instead it’s about keeping my spirit alive in the memories of those with whom I have been blessed to share this life.

I remind myself daily that my “forever moments” are often little things that seem insignificant at the time but stay with me. A favorite song; a moonlit night; the smell of a garden in bloom; the taste of homemade jam; holding a hand; a kiss on the cheek; a sleepy-eyed smile; a hearty laugh; a warm embrace; a pat on the back; a tear-stained face; a soothing voice – these will last forever.

Dynasties come and go. Civilizations crumble. Empires collapse.

Loves lasts forever.

Peace,

Denis

Sweet Land of Liberty

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Today is July 4th. In the United States we celebrate Independence Day. As with most national holidays it seems that much of the meaning is lost amidst picnics, parades, backyard barbecues, and fireworks displays. And yet our great country celebrates another birthday.

I like to think of myself as a patriot but lately I’m afraid that patriotism has come to represent a pretty narrow political view by some folks. I’m not a member of the Tea Party. I don’t watch Fox News. I won’t sign any “English only”petitions. And I don’t believe that God should bless America anymore than God should and does bless all nations.

I am however in favor of immigration reform, raising the minimum wage, affordable healthcare, gay marriage, and gun control. And still I remain a patriot.

To me this is the beauty of being an American. We are a pluralistic nation. We are diverse. We can disagree with one another. We can openly oppose the political views of our elected officials and vote them out of office. We can peacefully assemble. We can protest. We have the right to freedom of speech. And my son, who is a member of the U.S. military will defend to the death these rights for you and me.

LibertyWhat makes me a patriot? I love my country. I’m proud to be an American. I’ve traveled the world and, while our nation is not perfect, it is simply the best place for me and my family. Other countries are wonderful and my life has been enriched by having visited many of them but they are not home.

So I even though I am a progressive and an avid supporter of civil rights and equality for all Americans, I am still a patriot. I will be flying my flag proudly and honoring those early patriots whose vision of a nation with liberty and justice for all remains with us today. And I respect and embrace your unalienable right to think that I am completely wrong about my political views.

From every mountainside let freedom ring. I love living in this sweet land of liberty.

Peace,

Denis

 

My Journey Continues Today

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Every journey is supposed to have a beginning and an end but it’s what happens along the way that fills my soul. Of course there are wrong turns and detours and setbacks as I plod on to reach my destination. I’ve discovered some unexpected surprises and realized anticipated milestones as I’ve reached them. I might feel lost or stuck at times; not sure how to go on or which way to turn. Time marches on and sometimes I struggle to keep pace. And yet I continue today. I simply have no choice. I continue.

My constant reminder to myself: Love more. Hurt less. Give more. Take less.

This is it. My only journey. And it won’t really ever end. I’ve decided to forgo focussing on the destination and relish the journey. I’m letting go of the false-starts and missteps; the disappointments and regrets.

I’m not sure where my journey may lead. And I’m grateful for the days that I’ve had and the ones that I hope to have in the future. I’ve seen some amazing places and known some extraordinary people. I’ve had moments in this life that have been heart-breakingly beautiful and some filled with such desperation that even the memory brings back the pain. But I’m embracing this day. TODAY.

Today I have a wife and children and grandchildren and we share an ordinary life. We work. Clean the house. Mow the lawn. Pay bills. Buy groceries. Prepare meals.

But more importantly: We play. We pray. We sing. We laugh. We cry.

imageFor me it’s always been the simple pleasures: Holding Deb’s hand. A tender kiss on  the cheek from a grandchild. A giggle from an oft-told joke that never stops being funny. Praying at mealtime. Hugs. Hearing “I love you”. A favorite song. Comfortable shoes. Sunshine. Blue skies. Fresh snowfall. Warm summer nights and dinner on the patio. The sound of rain on the roof.  A call home. A friendly voice. The smell of supper on the stove. A job well done. A goodnight kiss.

As I journey, I don’t need to “get somewhere”, I’m already there. This journey is not about arriving somewhere in the future, it’s about being here now.

Every kiss. Every tear. Every joy. Every heartache. Those are mine to share. TODAY.

Peace,

Denis

Husband. Father. Son. Brother. Friend.

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It’s hard to believe that I’ve known my son-in-law Travis for twenty years. We met long before he even knew that I had a daughter; let alone that he would one day marry her. He was the (very young) computer consultant that the company that I worked for at the time had hired. Funny thinking back on it now, I couldn’t have imagined then that he would ever be part of our family. Or that I would love and admire him as much as I do.

But that was then…

T & DToday he is a man who deserves to share the life he has made with my beautiful daughter (something that I once thought no one would EVER be worthy to claim). Travis adores my daughter. And he is loving, patient, and kind to his children. His example of faith is a witness to us all. And he has taught Anna and Noah to know and love God. He is always the first person to lend a hand and brings his tireless energy to even the most difficult tasks. Plus he is fun and funny!

Husband. Father. Son. Brother. Friend.

Wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God, my God. Ruth 1:16

Peace,

Denis

 

Mom

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Mom, I love you. And Mother’s Day seems like a good day to thank you for all that you’ve done for me.

I'm sure I was listening then...

Mom & me – circa 1955

Thank you for giving me life.

Thank you for teaching me about God and how to pray. Your example of faith lives on in your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Thank you for loving Dad (and by the way, he adores you, too). I also appreciate that I inherited your energy and sense of humor – even though Dad thinks he’s the funny one (and we all know he’s not the fast one).

Thanks for throwing or kicking a ball, running bases and always joining in whatever game was being played in the backyard.

Thanks for being a good cook and for always having a dessert with every meal. Also for never making me clean my plate as a kid – your mantra “just take one more bite” saved me from some otherwise torturous mealtimes.

Thank you for always keeping a clean house and having clean kids (even though we often resisted your nearly constant need to wipe our messy hands and faces).

Thank you for being a ‘force to be reckoned with’. At 85 years young you can still work circles around the rest of us.

Thanks for laughing so hard at times that you cry. And for crying when you are sad, hurt, or heartbroken (and for allowing us to cry with you).

Thank you for teaching me how to do addition in my head – no one can do it as fast as you!

Thanks for teaching me how to drive a car, too and for never losing your patience with me while I was struggling to learn.

Mom & me

Mom & me – circa 2014

Thanks for staying beautiful and up-to-date in your appearance and attitude. I’ve always been so proud to be seen with you Mom.

Thank you for loving Debbie as much as your own daughter. And for always saying that you couldn’t have picked a better daughter-in-law yourself.

Thanks for loving our children and always making time at Gram’s house special for them. Two words: blueberry muffins!

Thank you for always keeping a toy box in your sewing room. And for letting the grandkids and great grandkids sometimes take a toy home.

Thank you for being you. And for surrounding our family with your love.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Peace,

Denis