Change is inevitable. Everything changes. Our bodies. Our minds. Our spirit. Our entire existence is dependent upon change. We are meant to evolve, to grow, to transform. But change can be a scary thing. For me the challenge is choosing whether to be a part of the change or fighting with all my might to avoid any change.
My head tells me that change, although at times extremely difficult, is necessary. My heart tells me that I’m comfortable with things the way they are. I like my routine, my favorite coffee cup, my opinions, my comfortable chair, my way of doing things. Why must I change?
And then I read scripture:
Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. And all this is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and given us the ministry of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:-17-18
Dang it! I’m a new creation??? And I have to minister reconciliation to others? Can’t somebody else do it? I’ll just stay here in my chair, with my cup of coffee, comfortably out-of-the-way. Surely ANYONE else is better equipped, better prepared, better suited to do this sort of thing. It just feels way too Jesus-y for me.
But then I am reminded that I took a pledge to walk in faith with The Sisters of the Most Precious Blood. Theirs is the charism of reconciliation; to be the reconciling presence of Christ to others. So here I am forced out of my comfortable chair once again. Here I am trying to change my mind and change my heart. Here I am trying let go of hurts and prejudices. Here I am trying to be a “new creation” – a better man.
I pray. But sometimes my prayers seem weak and pointless – so much, blah, blah, blah. Oftentimes my prayers feel like a Fellini film – chaotic and hard to follow and struggling to make a point. Usually I’m distracted when I pray and just hope that God knows I’m trying. But sometimes in the quiet of my thoughts when I stop trying so hard, I hear God (and remarkably God’s voice sounds like my wife) reassuring me; comforting me; telling me to keep on trying; that I’ve got this. God assures me that I am a “new creation” and that I can carry that peace to others.
And I am reconciled. And I am changed.