Prayer

Prayer (and other questionable activities)

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

If you’re like me (hopefully you’re not) then you probably wonder sometimes if prayer makes any difference. There are those days when I feel as though my prayers are just empty words (thoughts) and then there are those days when I can’t even get myself to pray – why bother? The problems of the world just seem too overwhelming and my simple requests for peace; for justice; for equality; seem silly and selfish. Who am I to think (believe?) that God has time to listen to me? And what about those days when I’m not sure God exists? That can’t help my cause(s) –  if I’ve just questioned God’s existence only to follow-up with “okay if you do exist; here’s my list of stuff that needs to be your number one priority”.  What’s a struggling believer to do? 

For me – it’s more prayer.  Because I don’t know what else to do. That’s not exactly inspiring is it? And that’s probably because so often I don’t feel particularly inspired. But I pray. And if God does exist then She must have incredible patience. Lately I like to think of God as Maya Angelou or Sister Fidesta (my high school math teacher) – tough but gentle women with hearts of gold. The kind of God that won’t be shocked by my actions (or inactions) and who will take the time to listen (really listen) before showing me the error of my ways.

As I get older I find that I do remember to thank God for all my blessings but still my prayer life seems to be dominated by petitions – “take care of my wife; my kids; grandkids; friends in needs; the sick; the suffering; the dying; etc”.  Then there are the (sort of) secondary prayers – “please help me with work; with our finances; with my diet and exercise”.  Finally, my prayers often fall into the truly mundane or incredibly ridiculous – “please let the Packers make it to the playoffs or please let my favorite pair of jeans be clean” – God must really love those!

But I believe that God has a sense of humor (which would explain why men have nipples).  And God likely laughs at some of my crazy ramblings but still knows my heart and gives me what I truly need.  So I keep praying (and questioning) and hoping that my prayers make a difference. Often I do find that my prayers are answered; just not the way I wanted them to be. God knows best. That’s sometimes a tough thing to remember. And I guess that’s something else to pray for – understanding.

My prayer today is that each of you have a wonderful new year and remember to thank God (or at least your lucky stars) for your blessings.

Peace,

Denis

This song speaks to me…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPNv5bv0t40

Jerks and Killers

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

Years ago my wife told me that all people were either basically good or basically bad.  In her explanation she gave the following examples:  Good = saints and various kind people.  Bad = jerks and killers.  It’s an understatement to say that those are pretty broad categories.  My kids and I have laughed at this pronouncement ever since but I’ve been married to Deborah for over 35 years now and I understand that to her it makes perfect sense.  I suppose that if humans and pigs share 99% of the same DNA then it’s not unreasonable to believe that saints and kind people and jerks and killers belong in the same behavioral categories.  I just hope Deb includes me in the “good” category.

Today I would like to focus on the jerks and killers. 

Lately at work someone has been brewing very weak coffee.  We have a ‘state of the art’ brewing system that a trained chimp could operate and yet EVERY morning I pour a cup of weak-ass coffee because some jerk can’t follow the simple instructions.  Hey stupid – you might as well drink hot water!  I’ve yet to discover who the jerk that can’t make coffee is.  But I have my suspicions.

There is a traffic merge near my office where EVERY night some jerks feel the need to stop.  YOU DON’T NEED TO STOP – IT’S A MERGE!  All these jerks are doing is holding up traffic. This is a daily annoyance.  For the love of God – read the sign.  Keep the traffic moving!  Of course my honking and yelling never seems to positively influence the offenders. 

My next door neighbor’s lawn looks like a cross between a mole farm and a prairie grass preserve.  Hey hillbilly – if you don’t want to take care of your lawn then don’t have one!  Move to an apartment or condo development where they take care of that sort of thing for you.  Look around jerk neighbor – you’re the only one whose lawn looks like a toxic waste dump. 

At the gym I attend there are several jerks but the one that is most offensive is the crazy guy that jumps from machine to machine and then becomes noticeably irritated, muttering curse words under his breath, when someone else decides to use the equipment that he had planned on “jumping to” next.  This guy might be slightly unstable (his appearance would tend to make you think so) but regardless he’s a jerk supreme. 

So when do jerks cross the line and become killers?  Do all jerks have the capacity for murder?  And should I be concerned about the jerk at the gym “snapping” and killing me for using a piece of equipment that he planned on using next?

If the shirt fits - wear it!

Unfortunately Debbie doesn’t have any answers for those questions.  So rather than worry about being killed by some jerk.  I’ve decided to work hard on not becoming a jerk myself and eventually a killer.  I suppose the whole jerk/killer thing could be a slippery slope. 

And now I’m wondering if I am considered a jerk by others?  Someone might be writing about me at this precise moment. 

I’m the jerk that bitches about the coffee EVERY morning.  I’m the jerk that honks at drivers EVERY night.  I’m the jerk that gives my neighbor the ‘cold shoulder’ because of his inferior lawn care ability.  And I’m the jerk at the gym that jumps on a piece of equipment right before someone else was planning on using it.    

Oh no!  I may not be a good person after all.  Don’t tell Debbie.  But please help me before I kill someone!  Your prayers will be appreciated.

Peace,

Denis

Spiritual Desert

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Like me, do you ever find yourself in a spiritual desert?  Those times when my prayers seem empty and perfunctory, it feels as if I’m just going through the motions.  And maybe I am.  So I pray: God, please help me!                                   

During those times I will attend Mass and sing and pray along and listen to The Word but I might as well be driving through the Automatic Car Wash.  My experience is completely passive and it barely registers on my psyche.  It almost feels as if I’m watching someone else – it’s not worship; it’s not prayer; it’s just sort of dutiful religious regurgitation.  Not exactly inspiring!

But sometimes maybe just BEING THERE is enough.  Maybe just being in the presence of others that are truly engaged spiritually has its own grace.  Perhaps being part of a community of believers means that sometimes we carry one another along the journey.  Possibly the prayers and singing of the ‘inspired ones’ can lift me up before God when I can barely pull myself into the pew. 

I sure hope so.  Because lately these desert experiences have been coming along more frequently and lasting much longer.  I sometimes fear that this life on earth may make me lose out on eternal life.  Too many times I approach the altar angry or hurt and can’t (or won’t) let go of my outrage.  Too often I have judged others as hypocrites.  And I it find more and more difficult to forgive and yet I expect complete forgiveness for my own shortcomings.

So I trudge along; hoping that maybe just by being at Mass and participating, however vacuous, I might find some grace and be touched by the Holy Spirit.  Witnessing my family’s worship, during these empty times, I wonder why I can’t feel God’s presence as they do.  Sometimes when my spirituality feels particularly bankrupt I find comfort in just holding my granddaughter in church.  She is certainly closer to God and just that simple act brings me a measure of peace (God’s peace?). 

Some days my prayer is just this:  God, please help me!  And there are times when that’s all I’ve got…

Peace,

Denis