life

Husband. Father. Son. Brother. Friend.

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

It’s hard to believe that I’ve known my son-in-law Travis for twenty years. We met long before he even knew that I had a daughter; let alone that he would one day marry her. He was the (very young) computer consultant that the company that I worked for at the time had hired. Funny thinking back on it now, I couldn’t have imagined then that he would ever be part of our family. Or that I would love and admire him as much as I do.

But that was then…

T & DToday he is a man who deserves to share the life he has made with my beautiful daughter (something that I once thought no one would EVER be worthy to claim). Travis adores my daughter. And he is loving, patient, and kind to his children. His example of faith is a witness to us all. And he has taught Anna and Noah to know and love God. He is always the first person to lend a hand and brings his tireless energy to even the most difficult tasks. Plus he is fun and funny!

Husband. Father. Son. Brother. Friend.

Wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God, my God. Ruth 1:16

Peace,

Denis

 

You Know That You’re Old When Your Toys Are Antiques

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

PlayRecently I was watching “Antiques Roadshow” on PBS. There was some guy who had brought vintage toys for appraisal. Apparently calling old stuff “vintage” is better than calling it old. Anyway, I realized that one of the vintage trucks that he had was similar to one I played with as a boy. Furthermore, I was certain that I still had it in a box in the basement. And to my delight I found my Buddy L® pickup truck and trailer.

I thought that my grandson Noah might enjoy playing with my old (vintage) metal truck. And he in fact loves it! It brings back happy memories for me, too. This truck and trailer must be over 50 years old. My friends and I would “drive it” through the empty lot across the street when we were boys. We imagined we were on a huge construction site and would play all day with our trucks and cars in the dirt and weeds. Our beloved empty lot finally gave way to a new home and eventually my friends and I grew too old for toy cars and trucks. Luckily mine was safely boxed away only to find a new life as a vintage toy.

Buddy LHappy to have rediscovered one of my toys, I am still a little troubled by the “antique” label. If my toy is antique what does that say about me? My Buddy L® truck is 100% metal except for the rubber tires. It’s heavy, has sharp edges and is likely coated with toxic paint. To my knowledge, no safety tests have ever been performed. No recalls ever issued. This truck has only been boy-tested and it passed that test long ago with flying colors. It has careened over countless hillsides and carried scores of plastic Army men and farm animals.

Today she is a little rusty and worn (hey – so am I). But Noah has given her new life. When my granddaughters join in, the truck is sometimes reduced to carrying Polly Pockets® and Pretty Ponies®. But Noah and I are mostly purists and we like to haul “boy stuff” in her bed and trailer. So we have plastic farm animals and safari animals to load up now. We also sometimes carry his Uncle Blake’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® (which I suppose are not quite yet vintage).

Old toys can play hard. My antique Buddy L® has proven that.

But I wonder how often I discard things that were once purposeful but now considered obsolete? How many times have I written something off as useless or unnecessary? And what about people? Do I view elderly people as a burden? Because they are old, are they not worthy of my time and attention? Do I overlook the beauty, wisdom and experience of a life well lived? Antiques are treasured for the very fact that they are old. But I fear in our society we often dismiss our older citizens for that very same reason.

I know that my truck can still play hard and I’m learning that grandpas can play hard, too.

Noah, thanks for letting me come along for the ride! I think that Buddy L® and I still have a few good “vintage” years left.

Peace,

Denis

 

 

 

A Rich Man

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

My best friend’s Dad recently passed away and last Saturday there was a Memorial Mass celebrated for him. He died on his 88th birthday after a long and full life.

When his children eulogized him, they each said that he was guided by his faith in God and his love of family. As a child I witnessed this first hand. He was a prayerful, patient and kind father who always put his wife and children before himself.

My best friend and I have known each other since we were seven years-old. When we were young ALL parents could and would discipline ALL kids. If you were in the neighborhood you were EVERY parent’s child. And growing up it seemed that I spent more time at my friend’s home than my own. During our formative years my friend and I did normal boy stuff. We weren’t bad boys, just boys that sometimes did bad things. Each time his Dad discovered our misdeeds, he would gently counsel us and we would promise to NEVER repeat our mistakes. Of course we often failed but he never lost his temper; never raised his voice. His disappointment in us was devastating enough and worse than any corporal punishment that might have been doled out. We would resolve to be better boys in the future. And again, when we fell short of that goal, he would once more lovingly remind us of our failures. I will never forget his patience with us and I would like to think that his example helped make me a kinder, gentler dad with my own kids.

His daughter recalled a time not too long along when their entire family was on float trip. They were all laughing and singing and having a great. Of course their Dad was in the center of it all surrounded by his children and grandchildren. As they were floating down the river, a stranger came beside and called out to him, “Hey Mister! Hey Mister!” “I don’t how much money you have but you’re the richest man I know!” What an amazing testimony. What a life lived to it’s fullest. He witnessed to all of us. Even strangers.

He was a rich man indeed. Surrounded by the love of his family and blessed by God beyond his dreams. Who among us wouldn’t treasure those riches?

Peace,

Denis

Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged. Colossians 3:21

Truthful, Kind and Necessary

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Our priest’s message to us on Sunday was simple and yet profound:

  • Speak the truth.
  • Speak kindly.
  • And only say what is necessary.

Telling the truth – that’s not too hard. Speaking kindly – a little harder perhaps but doable. Only saying what is necessary – there’s the real challenge!

wordsHow often have I wished that I had kept my mouth shut? How many times have I pontificated about some issue or some perceived injustice (to me) only to feel foolish later? How often have I felt the overwhelming need to be correct and to drive my point home? Why? To make someone else feel foolish? To assert my superiority? Only later do I regret my arrogance and need for control.

And the worst? Gossip! Mean-spirited, nasty comments that are only designed to inflict pain or sustain hatred. The lowest form of communication. And yet why do I sometimes delight in hearing gossip (and passing it on)?

Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Matthew 5:37

Father Craig has given me much to think about. And I can’t shake the idea that I am an unnecessary talker (blogger?). Thankfully God forgives us our sins. It’s those whom I have hurt that I must now seek forgiveness.

    • Truth.
    • Kindness.
    • Necessity.

Truly words to live by…

Peace,

Denis

 

This Week…

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

This week my wife and I took care of our five year-old granddaughter Anna and our three year-old grandson Noah while our daughter and son-in-law were vacationing in Jamaica. It’s been lots of fun. But we’re a little tired.

In some ways it was like any other sleepover that they’ve had with us. What made this week unique was, well it was a week.

Snow DayWe had to get Anna to school each day and because she attends a parochial school that means drop-off and pick-up each day. Noah had his Little Gym® class on Tuesday and Anna had a dance class on Thursday. She also attended a birthday “indoor pool” party last weekend which required that each child bring a responsible adult. In between there were school lunches to be made, special dinners (featuring kid-approved menus) to be prepared, loads of laundry, homework to be completed, art projects and Play-Doh®, bath time and bed time (complete with stories to be read and prayers to be said). Throw in a “snow day” and we’ve had a pretty full week.

In fairness, Deb did most of the work while I escaped to my office. I did handle drop-off each morning and joined in with bath time, story time and prayers every night and of course playing in the snow was my job, too. And because we couldn’t locate a responsible adult, I attended the swimming birthday party (or is it a birthday swimming party?).

Anyway, I learned three important things this week:

  1. There’s a reason God gives us our children when we’re young.
  2. Even a plain sugar cookie is an “extra special dessert” when you add a shot of Reddi-Whip® and a dash of sprinkles.
  3. And hearing “I love you, Pawpaw” is the sweetest sound in the whole wide world.

Having Anna and Noah for a week reminded me how much work it was and how much fun we had raising our own three kids. And now I just need a little nap…

Peace,

Denis

Miss Manners, Wherefore art thou?

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Judith Martin gives advice on etiquette under the pseudonym of Miss Manners. Back in the day, when I actually subscribed to a newspaper, I regularly read her column. Sometimes I was amused by her responses, always delivered in third person. “Gentle Reader, Miss Manners does not approve”. Often I was confused by her archaic approach to modern situations. But lately I find myself longing for the kind of simple courtesy that Miss Manners holds in such high regard.

mannersI recently got home from a business trip. Encountering boorish behavior is nothing new. What’s surprising is that it seems to be more and more the rule rather than the exception. Here’s a sampling of some of what I witnessed:

  • A guy jumped in front of a group of us at the airport parking shuttle bus pick-up (we were huddled together in sub-zero temperatures desperately trying to stay warm and had been waiting in the cold for 15 minutes). As he shoved his way past the rest of us he explained to the driver that he couldn’t possibly wait for the next bus because he had overslept.
  • A lady at the airport security check point insisted her yapping little dog be “treated with respect” – her words. She was demanding this respect from fellow travelers in a very loud and angry voice. Apparently some other passenger had frowned at the aforementioned puppy.
  • A flight attendant told a beleaguered traveler that he would have to gate check his bag because “you people bring too much carry-on stuff “ and “it’s not our job to accommodate all of this!” In fairness it was a very full flight but the poor guy was just asking what he should/could do.

I know that we live in busy world. But can’t we be busy and courteous? Can’t we hurry and still be mannerly?

This is often my own struggle. And my great shame is that I could see myself in each of these individuals – the offenders; not the offended. My impatience, disregard for others feelings, and my self-importance was reflected in each of these actions. I believe that Miss Manners would, more often than not, disapprove of my behavior. What can I do? What should I do???

I’m going to start by remembering that simple courtesy is a luxury I can afford. I should be able get to my destination on time and also be kind to strangers. I believe that I can put others needs ahead of my own and still achieve my goals. 

 Gentle Readers, I promise to try harder to please Miss Manners.

Peace,

Denis

Living in the Future

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

I’m probably not alone in sometimes imagining what my life will be like in the future. What may be unique is the amount of detail that my daydreams include. Often when I’m stuck in traffic or on a tarmac or at the DMV, I will time-travel to the future:

Recently I imagined a day when President Anna (my 5 year-old granddaughter who will most certainly be a politician or a Hollywood agent because she can talk anyone into anything – well me anyway – and is a budding ballet dancer) was presenting the Presidential Medal of Freedom to her cousin Dr. Charlise (my 9 year-old granddaughter who will be an Egyptologist and a research scientist because she reads everything she can find on ancient Egypt and loves reality television shows or books with titles like Extreme Medical Maladies or Abnormal Sea Life) for discovering cures for cancer, heart disease and boogie fever – which has seen a resurgence from the 1970’s while Attorney General Noah (my 3 year-old grandson “Life’s a Party Noah”, race car driver and brother of President Anna, which is how he’ll get the Attorney General gig) and Pope Ainsley (3 month-old baby sister of Charlise who will be the first American Pope – and a woman!) look on. Of course I’ll be there too.

Long before they were President, Attorney General, Scientist and Pope

Future President, Attorney General, Scientist and Pope

Not all of my daydreams are quite this detailed but more often than not, they are. Should I be concerned? I don’t think so. Don’t we all imagine life in the future? Doesn’t everyone wonder what life will be like someday? I assume that it’s just natural human curiosity to try to work it out in our minds; to imagine what is coming so we can be prepared. Certainly most of my preparation for the future will be figuring out how to accept the nearly constant praise for my amazing grandchildren. I’m certain that I will learn to accept it with humility.

Okay, so most of this was written “tongue in cheek” but I do daydream at times about the future and I always imagine that I’m there. I’m not quite so egocentric that I think life won’t go on without me. I know that someday I will die. But I do like to think that I’ll still be there – in spirit, in memory, in the love that I shared. I believe this because all those that have loved me are still here. In my heart, in my soul, and in everything that I say and do.

God gives us eternal life. And sometimes in the quiet stillness, I get a tiny glimpse of what that really means. And someday, well you know…

Peace,

Denis

And Still He Comes…

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

As Christmases go, I’ve had better ones. Granddaughter Anna got sick on Christmas Eve which ended the celebration early for her and little brother Noah and her parents. As Anna and Noah were whisked away my heart ached for them (and me). No five year-old wants to be sick on Christmas; no grandfather wants to see his little angel sad on Christmas Eve.

Moments earlier I had received a message that my wife’s cousin had lost her battle with cancer. I decided that I would wait until later to gently break that sad news to Deb. And just the day before we had received word that our friends’ Dad had passed away.

This was not the Christmas that I had planned. I HAD PLANNED? Therein lies the absurdity. Once again I was reminded that I am not in charge. All the planning, all the hoping, all the deliberation about this gift or that, what food to prepare, what to wear, seemed silly when I finally put everything in perspective. Because still He comes.

Jesus comes amidst our joy and sorrow; our triumphs and disappointments. He comes to be with us. God is with us.

Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel, which means “God is with us.” Matthew 1:23

We learned later that our friends’ family shared their traditional Christmas Eve gathering in honor of their Dad. Deb’s cousin’s family gathered together as well – first at the hospital and then at home; embracing one another and carrying on as Mom would have wanted.

Charlise Anna Noah AinsleyAnd Anna? Well she felt a little puny on Christmas Day but I believe that Santa lifted her spirits. And yesterday she was able to exchange gifts and share hugs and giggles with her cousins and little brother. Her upset belly seemed to be a distant memory.

This Christmas, even in our sorrow and in our loss, we have so much for which to be thankful – the love of friends and family; the joy of children in our midst.  

And in it and through it all, still He comes…

Peace,

Denis

Anticipation

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

In some strange way, I always have enjoyed the hustle-bustle of Christmas anticipation. Not the desperate “must find something!” gift search, but our last-minute preparations:

  • Wrapping the last gifts
  • Cleaning the house and putting up the final Christmas decorations
  • Queueing up our favorite Christmas music
  • Planning the holiday meals and purchasing the food and the wine

I find comfort in these rituals. This is what I do. This is how I prepare. I anticipate Christmas by getting things done. I am proactive.

AdventwreathBut sometimes I’m afraid that I miss out on some golden moments by working too hard; planning too much; preparing for something that won’t meet my expectations. When our children were young they would ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was always the same, “A clean house and good kids.” This was most often greeted with rolled eyes and a groan. Of course I was mostly joking but still there was some truth in my wish.

And yet when I look back on my fondest Christmas memories it has nothing to do with a perfect house or well-behaved children. It has always been those things that I didn’t anticipate that brought me the greatest joy. And this year is no exception:

  • Receiving a kiss on my cheek from my sweet Noah Boy while attending the ‘Novena’ at our local convent this week without prompting.
  • Our grown son Blake unexpectedly being able to secure time off from work and be with us with for Christmas.
  • An impromptu evening with my brother and sister-in-law; sharing laughs and good memories.

Of course there are other unexpected things this year:

  • My friend and spiritual director who is dealing with horrific pain while awaiting back surgery; which will hopefully “fix her” again.
  • A beloved cousin battling cancer and kidney failure.
  • Our dear friends’ Dad who will be receiving hospice care beginning tomorrow.

I cannot think of three people more deserving of a peaceful and pain-free Christmas. It is heart-breaking to think that these three should suffer when we are preparing for the ultimate joy in the birth of Our Savior.

The virgin shall conceive, and bear a son,
and shall name him Emmanuel. Isaiah 7:14

And yet I find comfort in these unexpected ‘gifts’ this year; good and bad. I know that it is our faith in God in which we find our peace; our joy.

Today as we light the fourth candle on our Advent wreath my prayer will simply be, “Come Lord Jesus!”

Peace,

Denis

Am I The Only One?

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Sometimes I feel like I’m the ONLY ONE. The the only one who gets the joke; who sees the absurdity in a given situation; who uses proper grammar; who cares enough to spell YOUR NAME correctly (Oh, for the love of God: mine is D-E-N-I-S); who knows the meaning and proper use of the word exacerbated, which is often how I feel. Being the ‘only one’ can be lonely place. Why isn’t everyone as intelligent, well-informed, and confident? 

Of course when I think about it (and pray about it) I realize how self-important and misguided I am. At times I choose solitude because I want to be alone; to not be bothered by the opinions and needs of others. It’s easy to be uncaring when you remain aloof.

desertDo you suppose that John the Baptist (the crazy, animal skin wearing, locust eating, hermit) thought that he was the ‘only one’? The only one who knew what was coming? Was he skulking around in the desert because he was disgusted with the callous disregard of others? Maybe. Or did he think that wandering around alone in the desert was a great way to get his message out? I don’t know. But as we prepare for coming of the infant Jesus at Christmas, John the Baptist reminds us that there is something else coming. We must prepare for the change that Jesus creates; in our world; in our church; in ourselves. While I may feel like ‘the only one’ that is exactly the opposite of the message of hope, peace and love and togetherness that Christ brings to us. I am admonished by the Gospel message.

I need to join humanity. Get dirty. Pay attention. Get involved. Make a difference. Lend a hand. Carry a load. Love. These are not things that I can do alone.

I believe that when I open my arms (and heart) to others, then and only then, am I truly worthy to hold the Christ-Child. In the meantime I have some valleys to fill and some mountains to tumble. I know that my own arrogance, pride and ‘only one-ness’ need to be made low. And my heart and spirit could use some filling up and straightening out right now.

Peace,

Denis

A voice of one crying out in the desert,
“Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.” Matthew 3:3