God

What Matters Most Is The Thanks

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

I’m a sucker for tradition. I love old movies. I love family folklore. I want to believe that “the way” we do things at Thanksgiving is the way generations before us celebrated as well. I love the fact that Deb shares the same need for traditional holiday gatherings (with some southern country flair compliments of her beloved Mimi). We’ve blended our family traditions and created some new ones of our own. So on Thanksgiving there will be turkey and dressing and candied sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts and cranberries and pumpkin pie – just like the Pilgrims (well at least in my revisionist history of the First Thanksgiving anyway).

But it has occurred to me that none of that really matters. How can you celebrate Thanksgiving WITHOUT turkey? Or Stuffing? Or Sweet Potatoes? Or Cranberries? Or God Forbid – Pumpkin Pie???

We have dear friends that have traveled east to visit family and celebrate an ‘Italian Thanksgiving’ complete with lasagna.  My cousin Colleen who lives in Thailand can’t get pumpkin for a pie this year. Our son Ty is stationed at Kunsan Air Base in South Korea and will likely be eating in a mess hall and missing Mom’s special recipes. And millions of folks will be having Thanksgiving pizza, sub sandwiches, burgers or God-knows-what. And they’re (we’re) the lucky ones. Millions more will be starving.

But those of us that can give thanks, should. We should be thankful for one another. Thankful for love. Thankful for a full belly. And a place to lay our heads. Thankful for a God that provides light even in our darkest hours.

There is certainly no shortage of pain or heartache or suffering in our world. And perhaps you’re suffering, too. For me Thanksgiving this year is a little bittersweet; feeling especially melancholy about the separation next year from family and friends (especially my grandkids). Yesterday I was feeling down and then I received a Thanksgiving card in the mail from my cousin Rose. Just a simple thing but it immediately lifted my spirits. And for that I am thankful – thankful to be loved and to be part of a family that remembers to share their love. Thanks Rose, you’ll never know how much I needed your note!

So tomorrow I will remember to give thanks for all my blessings. And I know that it won’t matter if Thanksgiving dinner isn’t perfect in every way (everywhere) because it’s the sharing that matters not the meal that is shared.

Peace,

Denis

Remembering…

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

This morning I read names at the Mass of Remembrance. Our parish celebrates the lives of those that have died each year on the first Saturday in November. I’ve done this a few times and it’s a beautiful ceremony and I believe it’s especially healing for those that have recently lost loved ones. Of course the physical challenge is pronouncing the names correctly – particularly the Polish, Italian and Chinese names. I always ask the Holy Spirit to help with that and I suppose even if I butcher a name or two it won’t be the first time that these families have had to endure some clod that can’t pronounce ‘Um Sung Huan’ (somehow that makes me feel better – my apologies to the Sung Huan family, oh and to the Szcgielski family, too).

But my ability (or inability) to pronounce names doesn’t diminish the significance of this day. As Catholic Christians we believe in life after death. Further we believe in some type of purgation of our souls. We believe some folks go straight to heaven; others may exist in a state of being somewhere between life on earth and eternal life with Christ. It’s a sticking point with my Protestant friends but it is Scripturally founded.

If he were not expecting the fallen to rise again, it would have been foolish to pray for the dead. But if he did this with a view to the splendid reward that awaits those who had gone to rest in Godliness, it was a holy and pious thought. Thus he made atonement for the dead that they might be absolved from their sin. 2 Maccabees 12:44-46

I’m not trying to convert anyone here; just trying to explain my own faith tradition. But my traditions are beside the point. What I experienced this morning was joy through sorrow. Which is exactly what Jesus offers us each day. And it’s only in our darkness that we can truly find the light. This morning as I read each name I felt honored to speak the name of a loved one; someone who was being lifted up in prayer or more likely being asked to pray for the loved ones remaining here on Earth. Afterall, my personal saints are in all heaven (Aunt Noel, Aunt Minnie, Mimi, Grandpa Tony, Aunt Sha, Uncle Ted, and countless others). Who better to ask prayers of than those who are experiencing the eternal light of God.

Not long ago my granddaughter Charlise told me, “Pawpaw someday you’re going to die.” I have to admit that I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that truth. I think I told her that I would like to be very old when that happens but I assured her that I would be in heaven ALWAYS smiling down on her.

Today I was reminded (again) that I may need her help getting there.

Peace,

Denis

Change

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

When you’re an old dog, learning new tricks can be daunting. I like to think of myself as someone who is open-minded, likes a challenge, loves adventure, is willing to try new things and embrace change. But truth be told, I like a little routine now and again. There’s something comforting in those ‘old tricks’ that I have mastered. Still change is inevitable.

So I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone and I have to say that it’s been fun and invigorating (even if  it’s a bit scary at times – The Autobahn at 120 miles per hour). And it turns out that you’re never really too old to learn something new. My new job responsibilities have brought me to England and I will be working extensively throughout all of Europe. It’s strange being ‘the foreigner’ but I believe this experience will enable me to become more tolerant of others and gain a global perspective of human rights. But before I achieve those lofty goals I will need to learn to drive on the left side of the road in a car with the steering wheel on the right and understand the difference between a lorry and a lift! At times I feel I’m better understood in Germany or Spain than in England. At least in Deutschland or Espana I’m not expected to understand what’s being said to me. Bullocks!

Today I met a with an Indian who lives in Dubai and has businesses in Turkey, India, China, Russia and the United Arab Emirates. We were discussing global partnerships and emerging markets in Uzbekistan and at some point my mind wanders and I begin to think, “I wonder how the St. Louis Cardinals will do tonight?” And I wonder how Anna will do at preschool today, and if is Deb packed yet for her trip over here? So I silently scream at myself, “Focus, Denis!” “Focus.”

But that’s whole point isn’t it? Things change but we remain the same. We might live in new places and learn new things and meet new people but we are who we are. That doesn’t mean that I won’t stretch myself a little and embrace new ideas and new ways of doing things but fundamentally I am who I am. My heart, my soul is grounded in the love of my family and friends. My faith remains in God, my Creator and Redeemer. I am the same husband, father, son, brother and friend today that I was yesterday and will be tomorrow. I may gain some new insights along this journey and meet some new friends but my true self remains unchanged.

And that’s the beauty of change – change of jobs, of scenery, of locales, of time zones. It only makes us truer to ourselves. Even on the days of uncertainty and new discovery I know where I belong – in the hearts of those that love me. And that never changes!

Peace,

Denis

Sleepy in the “City That Never Sleeps”

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

“New York, New York it’s a wonderful town, The Bronx is up and The Battery down…”

Rockefeller Center

I’ve been in New York since Sunday. Today is Wednesday but it seems like I’ve been here much longer. I like New York. I like the diversity. I like the energy. I like the pace. I like all the sights and sounds. I like the food. I like the architecture. I even sort of like shopping here (don’t tell Deb). But this has been a busy week with meetings and store tours and I’m TIRED. It’s hard to stay upbeat when you feel beat-down.

Today is another day of meetings and then dinner with a client. Which, truth be told, will be a lot of fun. And I’m not really complaining because I love my job and I realize that sitting in some meetings and hailing taxis to get to your next appointment is not REAL WORK, especially compared to someone who is doing an important job like performing brain surgery or delivering hearts for transplant or saving souls. And while I’m well aware of where my job falls on the scale of significance to humanity, I’m still tired. Doesn’t matter if some of what I’m doing at times is trivial, it still takes time, energy and some brain power. You try getting cross-town in Manhattan during rush hour!

I passed by St. Patrick Cathedral earlier today and couldn’t help but stop and think about how it is this bastion of holiness in the midst of the unholy commercial madness on Fifth Avenue. And here I am contributing to the unholiness of it all! But somehow God (and Saint Patrick) reminded to think about the more important things: life, love, laughter. So there I was in front of Saks Fifth Avenue having a “conversion moment” and thanking God for a faith that sustains me even through the madness of my chosen career.

I’m sleepy in the “City That Never Sleeps”. But I’ll just stop at one the gazillion Starbucks® that appear to be on every corner here in Manhattan, fuel up and keep on keepin’ on. I can sleep tomorrow on the flight home.

Peace,

Denis

These Little Lights of Mine…

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Since we made the decision to move to England for a year, most days I’m happy, excited and anxious for the adventure of it all. But then there are those days when I feel a little panicked. What if this is a BIG MISTAKE? What if it becomes our YEAR OF REGRET? Of course usually the panic or melancholy has to do with leaving our grandkids behind for a year. I know that we will have Skype and we will visit back and forth. And I also believe that our relationship with our grandchildren is strong enough that one year’s absence won’t turn them into complete strangers. But still there have been some tearful moments…

This past weekend Anna and Noah had a sleep-over. On Saturday morning Anna and I ran some errands. While driving along she began singing, “This light of mine; I’m gonna let shine!” over and over. Sweet little three year-old voice, loud and clear and strong just singing her heart out. Well needless to say the tears began streaming down my face. So much so that I had to pull the car over for fear of not being able to see the road. I know that I’m a sap but this was even a bit much for me. I stopped just short of sobbing. When Anna asked, “Why did we stop here Pawpaw?” I just told her that I needed a minute to think about what I wasn’t going to do next. And I did.

Shine on!

What I did next was join her in song. So we drove along singing at the top our lungs, “This little light of mine…” While we were signing I thought about the folks that have said to me, “Oh, you’re really going to miss your grandchildren” or “I don’t know how you can think about being away for a full year” or “what if Noah doesn’t remember you when you return?”  I wondered, WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THINGS LIKE THAT?

But I sang through the tears and I realized that “these little lights of mine” will keep on shining. Our three grandchildren are little lights that banish the darkness from our hearts and souls. And a simple separation of time or space has no power over the love that we share for one another. And by the time that we got home that morning, Anna and I still singing, I knew that everything would be okay.

Of course I know that there will be more tears. And I’m sure that we will miss one another dreadfully at times but I also know that many families suffer through separations due to work or divorce or even death and somehow survive. Not only do they survive but they thrive!

I’m certain that the light that God has instilled in Charlise and Anna and Noah will shine. And they will continue to brighten even our darkest days.

“Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!”

Peace,

Denis

One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

The saying goes, “That one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” So with that in mind (and the need to close up the house here before we leave for England) we decided to have a yard sale. After cleaning out the basement and some of the closets we had a garage full of junk (treasures) to sell. The goal was to get rid of stuff that we didn’t need (or want) anymore. And ultimately what didn’t sell would be donated to St. Vincent de Paul.

But a funny thing happened. Several people who showed up for our sale commented on how nice our stuff was and then proceeded to ask us to take less than the price that was marked. Now I know that with yard sales bartering is part of the ‘game’ and at first I thought it was amusing that someone would ask if I would take less on something that was marked .25 cents. But even though these items were discards I started to feel insulted that some of these bargain hunters would look at the price on something and then roll their eyes or worse – mutter under their breath and laugh. Their taunting laughter seemed to say, “Your trash is not worthy of my precious time or money.” “Wait!” I screamed in my head, “Aren’t you the one that just complimented our lovely array of treasures?”

Suddenly I decided that perhaps some of these folks didn’t deserve our mismatched dishes or outdated wall hangings. Maybe I should just close up shop and save my treasures for someone more appreciative. Why was I sacrificing an (almost) perfectly good crock pot for only $2.00? Why was I willing to let go of a lamp that used to have a prominent place in my home for just a $1.50?

After I regained my composure and made a few bucks and then donated a significant amount of things to charity, I reflected on the entire ordeal. While it’s true that “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” it’s equally true that “one man’s treasure may be viewed as trash by another.” I wondered how many times that I’ve been guilty of de-valuing someone’s treasure? How often have I not shown proper respect or deference to something highly prized by someone else? And what about the times that I’ve been careless with regards to someone’s feelings? Or downright insulting in my lack of regard? And what kind of pain have I inflicted on others?

Anyone that is prejudged by their appearance or income or the neighborhood that they live in or the car that they drive knows that pain. Any of us that has put part of ourselves into a work of art only to have someone laugh at it or dismiss it knows that pain. Any person that has a child with special needs that has been subjected to unkindness or discrimination knows that pain. Anyone that loves something (their Church, their hometown, their country) only to have it mocked or ridiculed by others knows that pain. 

So today I’m thankful for the lesson of our yard sale. And I’m asking God to help me show more compassion and empathy towards others and to forgive me for those times that I have failed to do so.

Peace,

Denis

Another Day ~ Another Miracle

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Miracles. I was reminded yesterday that miracles happen daily. Sometimes we’re blessed to witness them from a front row seat.

My nephew Dave and his wife Laura had their first child yesterday. Logan David Wilhelm was born via emergency C-section at St. John’s Mercy Hospital in St. Louis. He weighs 2 lbs. 7 oz. and is 15-1/2” long. He was born two months early. Laura’s intuition probably saved her baby’s life. She felt that something wasn’t right and saw her doctor yesterday morning. I know that it’s true that Moms can sense their children’s needs. But this is the first time that I have witnessed it in vitro. Apparently the umbilical cord was wrapped around little Logan and was depriving him of nutrition and oxygen.

Even though Logan’s birth weight is extremely low and he was born 9 weeks early we remain very hopeful. He is receiving the best care possible in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at one of the best hospitals in the country. They have already reduced the amount of oxygen he is receiving and the doctors believe that my nephew and his wife should be able to hold him in a few days. I’m told that his Daddy’s touch already calms him!

My wife was with Laura and Dave until my brother Dave and sister-in-law Pat could arrive from Atlanta late last night. Great Aunt Debbie reports: “Logan is beautiful but very tiny.”

Logan ~ our little miracle

Not all miracles make the news and they may not affect multitudes but they are miracles none the less. Logan is already responsible for an amazing outpouring of love and kindness among our family and friends. His life has changed us all forever. And that change alone is miraculous. We have reaffirmed our love for one another and we are humbled by his birth. And we are reminded (again) that life is precious and it is truly a gift from God – never to be taken for granted.

We have every reason to believe that Logan will thrive but we also know that he has a tough road ahead. So much to ask of such a tiny little boy!

But someday, in 100 years or so, he can tell his story to his grandchildren and great-grandchildren: that with God’s grace and your prayers there once was a miracle named Logan.

Peace,

Denis

Smoke and Mirrors

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Recently I was in a meeting with some Sales and Marketing people. I’m the Operations guy so I have the task of actually producing the stuff that the sales people are selling – on time, on budget, etc. During this particular meeting with a potential new customer there was lots jargon and business terminology being thrown about but mostly (it seemed to me) to be a contest of who could come up with the ‘best turn of phrase’. We talked about having “boots on the ground” and “the right DNA” and there was talk of “paradigm shifting” and “proof of concept”. My favorite was when someone stated, “remember, we don’t have to build the church for Easter Sunday”. Wow – I was clearly out of my league! All this became sort of  a game of one-upmanship. For a while all I heard was, “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah”. I had little to add, except for the occasional nod to their collective brilliance.

It occurred to me that for some folks there is a tremendous need to “play the part”. They feel driven to look and sound the way that their audience expects them to behave. This is exactly why I’m not in Sales. I suppose that I’m too transparent. But at least I’m true to myself (I think?).

I thought later about how many of us feel compelled to behave a certain way. We may not even believe what we espouse but we carry on as if we do. Perhaps if you repeat something often enough you will begin to believe it. “I will be kind.” “I will be kind.” “I will be kind.” Or maybe not…

There’s a guy that I know who is very pious. He carries himself with a certain air of holiness that is quite convincing, if not in fact true. He puts on quite a show of prayer and solemnity at Mass. He approaches the altar for Eucharist with great care and much bowing and reverence. He holds himself up as the epitome of righteousness. But at the end of day, he’s still an asshole.

Now I know that God alone knows his heart and soul. And perhaps when he’s approaching the altar he’s asking God to forgive his unkindness. Or maybe not. I for one would be much happier if this guy spent a little more energy on being loving than on being pious.

But now of course it’s my turn: “I will not judge.” “I will not judge.” “I will not judge.” Or maybe I will… Being honest is hard, especially being honest with yourself.  So maybe I’m more of a “Sales Person” than I think – perhaps I’m trying to convince myself that I’m ALWAYS the good guy.

I’ll bet God is laughing at that. Thankfully, I know that God is forgiving me as well.

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-4)

Peace,

Denis

Burden

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” These are Jesus’ words in Matthew’s Gospel. And often I need that reminder.

We all feel burdened from time to time but sometimes I admit that I play the “martyr”. Why me? Poor me! How can this be happening? What else can possibly go wrong? It’s during these times of self-pity that I forget God’s promise of love. I become so self-absorbed that I can only focus on my needs – my pain – my heartache. And my burden only becomes greater because I fail to remember that I am never truly alone.

During those darkest times – when I am feeling alone and unloved and that I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders I try to recall the words of a hymn that Deb shared with me the first year that we were married:

God has not promised skies always blue,

Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;

God has not promised sun without rain,

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way;

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

Burdens. We all must bear them from time to time. Some are heavier than others. Some can be life-changing. And some might seem insurmountable. But nothing is stronger or more powerful than God’s love. The beauty of my life is that God delivers his love to me daily – through the shared hymn given to me by my beautiful wife; by the sweet kisses of my granddaughters or the giggle of my grandson; by the loving words of my children; by the comfort and concern of my siblings; by the countless kindnesses bestowed upon me by friends. Many times they have dried my tears; shared my struggles; helped me find my way.

"Nana, why are you crying?"

The other evening Deb was reading a bedtime story to our granddaughters – “That’s What Grandmothers Are For”. Now she has been known to cry watching a Hallmark® commercial so the fact that this book’s tender message brought tears to her eyes was no surprise to me. The girls however were both concerned because Nana was crying. Instinctively our younger granddaughter Anna grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. The pure compassion of that gesture then brought me to tears. What an amazing example our children have set for their own children!

Being Christ to one another is the ultimate expression of God’s love. Thanks to each of you for the times that you have carried my burden. I hope that you will allow me the honor of carrying yours, too.

Aretha Franklin sang about it in 1969. Still sounds good today…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reeE8mbh0zA

Peace,

Denis

Praying With Men

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

On Saturday my son-in-law Travis and I went to a ‘Men’s Day of Recollection’. This has become an annual event for our parish and it is held at a local Catholic high school nearby. I don’t know who named it ‘Day of Recollection’. It could just as easily be called ‘Day of Renovation or Reconstruction or Restoration’ but that’s beside the point. Each year the format is basically the same although the themes vary – but not greatly. This year was not much different from the other years that I’ve attended with one exception – I prayed. Now I know that probably sounds strange but it’s not that strange for me. I have attended many workshops and retreats and not prayed – NOT REALLY PRAYED anyway. I guess I’ve just been sort of programmed to pay polite attention to the presenter and participate in the discussions and attend the obligatory Mass and sing the hymns. And that’s what I usually do – just barely do.

You see I can’t remember when I haven’t been angry at my Church (at the institutional Church). And in fact part of the presentation on Saturday was about how all mainline churches are losing members in droves and how the Catholic Church is no exception – and I thought; well no duh! As the talk continued, we were somehow supposed to take comfort (or shame – not sure here) about the fact we are not alone. The Presbyterians, and The Lutherans, and The Baptists, and The Episcopalians are all in the same boat with us Catholics. I’m not sure if ‘the why’ was explained but I think it has something to do with our secular world not wanting to FOLLOW THE RULES. And that includes our acceptance of abortion, gay marriage, female clergy, and bargaining rights for public-sector employees. (Just kidding about that last one – although I have a feeling some men in attendance were thinking it). Anyway that’s about when I started to fade out. Whenever someone starts throwing around the word ‘secular’ I feel as though I’m blushing because I believe ‘secular’ might be code for ‘Denis Wilhelm and his kind’. After all, I voted for Barack Obama and my favorite nuns are the ones that don’t wear habits.

So while I was (sort of) zoned out. I started praying. I prayed for our pastor (who was our presenter). I prayed for the other men attending the retreat. I prayed for Travis, whose love motivated me to be there in the first place. But mostly I prayed for myself – for patience; for understanding; for guidance. I prayed my granddaughter Anna’s guardian angel prayer: “Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God’s love commits me here; ever this day be at my side; to light, to guard, to rule, to guide. ~ Amen”

It’s funny that a child’s prayer would bring me great comfort at that moment. I realized (once again) that I AM A CATHOLIC – warts and all. I understood more clearly that all of us men who were gathered there on Saturday brought our strengths and weaknesses to God. Some of us were just searching for a way to live in peace. Some of us were mired in the need for ‘black and white’ answers in a world where all the questions are shades of gray. Some of us were holding on to hurt and pain for years or decades that we can’t (or won’t) let go. And some, like me, were carrying all of those things.

And in the strength of those seventy-odd men I was reminded that if God can continue to forgive me for my failings – I can continue to seek the Truth. I will commit myself to living my faith. And I will (try to) follow the rules. But I will also never stop questioning, challenging, hoping for a better world, a better church, a better community.

I know that we are perfected in Christ. For some of us it just takes a little longer. Now if I could just be as patient with myself as God is with me…

Maybe it should be called ‘Men’s Day of Recalibration’.

Peace,

Denis