God

Humbled

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

It might seem absurd, but I’ve always prayed that my children and grandchildren would have a humbling experience in their lives. Please understand, I don’t want them to have to deal with overwhelming pain or suffering or heartache, just a little “kick in the butt” that will help them remember that they are not invincible.

I think we all need to be reminded that we are not truly self-made, but we are the product of our genetics, our raising and our beliefs. Above all, we are treasured creations of God. Accepting that we can make mistakes (even big ones) and are forgiven is a blessing and a comfort. Understanding that we have people in our lives who will help pick us up and/or help us pick up the pieces should console us even in our darkest hours.

Confidence is a good thing. Intelligence is valuable and skill-mastery is crucial, but we should never forget that love is essential to our existence. When I think of the times (there have been many) that I have been humbled, I always remember the love that carried me through. Humility allowed me to accept the kindness and forgiveness of those I have disappointed. Of course, it has always been harder to forgive myself. Like most of us, I am still a work in progress. I’m learning to accept those setbacks, disappointments and mistakes, and to forgive myself. And I am humbled by God’s grace.

In his book “God’s Voice Within”, Mark Thibodeaux writes:

“I may have failed miserably at some task. I may be confused about where I am in life or angry about something that has happened. But if my anger motivates me to push for justice or truth, if my confusion leads me to trust in God more than myself, if my failure or sadness leads me to reach out to the people in my life then perhaps those negative experiences aren’t so negative after all.”

Perhaps we can find some joy in our mistakes. If being humbled allows me to reach out to the people in my life and accept their understanding, their help, their forgiveness, and their love, I am truly blessed. If my humility makes me more empathetic to others misfortune or opens my eyes to injustice and cruelty in our world, then perhaps I can be an instrument of healing and comfort.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going out of my way to screw up. I can do that without even trying. But I can accept my failings and be humbled by the love of God through those who allow me to fail and still love me.

More importantly, I can be someone who accepts others’ failings and comforts them and loves them as they are humbled. So, go on and climb those mountains, take on this big world, and be the best that you can be. But if you are humbled, you should know that you are never alone.

Peace,

Denis

Is It Helpful?

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

A good friend recently shared with me that when we speak, we should pause and ask our ourselves three simple questions:

Is it timely?

Is it honest?

Is it helpful?

I must admit, for me, the first two questions are no-brainers.

Is it timely? Deliver your message at the right moment, when it can have the most impact. And please, let’s only talk about things that are happening now or will be happening soon or what we wish could happen. Let’s not dwell on past mistakes, old grievances, and missed opportunities. Nothing good can come from those conversations. Drudging up the “coulda, shoulda, wouldas” only serves to sap us mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Makes sense.

Is it honest? Honesty builds trust. Before speaking, ask yourself if the information is true. Do your research. Fact-check. Consider the source. Misinformation or exaggeration can erode relationships and create confusion. Hearsay and conspiracy theories make you look foolish and shows lack of respect for the person with whom you are speaking. Don’t waste anyone’s time with nonsense, rumors and inuendo. Just know and tell the truth. Simple.

Is it helpful? This is the tricky part. Honestly, this is my biggest stumbling block. It might be helpful for me to get something off my chest or get my point across or make what matters to me the most important thing to say at any given moment. But that doesn’t consider the other person(s) experience or point of view. Still, it feels really good to be right. It serves my ego to be the “authority” on any given subject. I can bask in the glory of superiority and self-assuredness when I am the smartest and most informed person in the room. I can impart my wisdom, and the receivers should be grateful. And then God kicks me in the head and awakens me to a memory of a conversation that I had many years ago with our 7-year-old daughter. She was frustrated with her classmates who weren’t learning as quickly as she was, and the teacher would repeat lessons that our second grader had already mastered. She just couldn’t understand why the others couldn’t learn as fast as she did. I told her that it was okay to be the smartest person in the room, but it is unnecessary and unkind to remind everyone of that fact. Now, to be clear, I’m definitely not the smartest person in the room, only sometimes the loudest, most self-serving, opinionated, and arrogant. Not helpful.

Recently at the gym there was a young man wearing a black t-shirt with bold white letters stating, “I HATE SATAN”. I wanted to tell him that the message was confusing and counter intuitive. It seemed like an oxymoron. Jesus asks us to love everyone. That should include Satan. We needn’t follow Satan, but more hatred in our world seems like exactly the thing Satan is hoping to achieve. I decided that having a theological debate with this young man would not be helpful. So, maybe I’m learning. Also, I was wearing a t-shirt with the emblazoned message “Schnitzel Happens” so I suppose that I wouldn’t have been taken seriously anyway.

Then I laughed at my own foolishness. And that was helpful.

Peace,

Denis

Sweating the Small Stuff

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

How many times in my life have I heard someone say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff?” Usually, it’s meant to comfort me when I’m feeling anxious about something that appears to be trivial to another. Or offered as an excuse or permission to fail to meet some expectation not shared by the person offering the solace. And there are scores of books written about not sweating the small stuff. You can purchase wall plaques, pendants, caps, key fobs, t-shirts, etc., all emblazoned with the phrase.

Little things

There seems to be a universal assumption that small things don’t matter. That unless something has monetary or political or social or intellectual significance, it is not worthy of our time. But I think that little things do matter. So, I will continue to sweat the small stuff.

After all, if the best things in life come in small packages then why not give them their proper attention and respect? The idiom, “The devil is in the details” implies that there is something hidden in the details; something that might seem simple at a first but will reveal itself to be more than expected.

I prefer the phrase “God is in the details”. The little things. Watching the moon rise on a starry night. Seeing storm clouds gather from the safety of your front porch. Taking a walk on a dewy morning. The sweet smell of a summer rain. That first cup of coffee in the morning. A favorite book. Resting under a shady tree. Hearing a child’s laughter. Receiving a friendly smile. Or a soft touch. Or a kind word. Letting a tear roll down your cheek. Simple things perhaps but hidden inside each of these is comfort, joy and love. And I believe God is there, too.

I’m sweating the small stuff. I will take the time to appreciate the details. I will hold the door for you. I will carry your load if you let me. I will set the table properly. I will use good penmanship. I will clean my house and mow my lawn. I will drive courteously. I will try to be a good citizen; a good neighbor; a good friend. I will say thank you and please and you’re welcome.

But more importantly I will say I love you. And I will say it again. And again. I want the gifts that I give to be wrapped literally and figuratively in all the beauty that I can muster. The gifts that I have to share may not be significant or of any financial value. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, my gifts are all just small stuff. But I will sweat them out. Anything less would have no meaning…

Peace,

Denis

Do to others whatever you would have them do to you. Matthew 7:12

Did You Hear the Latest News?

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Each and every day there seems to be more and more troubling news. The senseless war in Iran. The skyrocketing gas prices. Cost of living and healthcare costs increasing dramatically. Cuts to environmental protection. Deportations. Redistricting plans. Supreme Court decisions. Political retributions. James Comey’s indictment. The White House Ballroom. The vitriol social media comments coming from the President. And his name and face being plastered on everything from our passports to our currency.

It is exhausting. And perplexing.

The political divides have never been greater in my lifetime. There is no longer public discourse. Just finger-pointing and name-calling. Fear mongering and villainization of our enemies is commonplace. Mostly there is hatred. And ugliness.

Oh, yes, and let’s not forget to pull God into it as well. Afterall, if God is with us who can be against? Some of the most hateful rhetoric comes complete with God’s “seal of approval”. Is God really on our side against the Iranians? Does God want us to “blow up the whole country” and destroy their civilization? Does God truly want children separated from their parents who are seeking a better, safer life to be imprisoned for a misstep in the immigration process? Does God want us to punish our perceived enemies or anyone who would disagree with us?

If you listen to many of our political leaders, it seems so. If I listen to some of my neighbors, it seems like God is on the side of racism, marginalization, hate and destruction. If I listen to some of the folks I worship with each week, it appears that as long as abortion remains mostly illegal, we can just rationalize all the rest of the shitty stuff.

In his book “God Plays a Purple Banjo”, S. James Meyer challenges me. He writes: “How do we measure up? If we profess our love for God without practicing love for neighbor, we might be religious but not always spiritual. If we receive Holy Communion in the church but don’t become Holy Communion in the world, we might be religious but not spiritual. If we pray for peace but harbor hatred, pray for forgiveness but judge others, or pray for the poor while profiting from systems that create or exploit poverty, we might be religious but not spiritual.”

Jesus never told us to hate our enemies. Jesus never told us hurt one another. Jesus never asked us to fight.

Instead, Jesus said: “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.“

Friends, how do we measure up?

Peace,

Denis

Ever Ancient – Ever New

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

During this school year, my wife and I have been invited to join the monthly “Grandparents’ Mass and Rosary” at our grandson’s high school. Any grandparent who can attend is welcomed. Each gathering consists of a mass, the recitation of the rosary and a grandparent’s blessing. After mass and rosary, we are then joined by our grandson for a brief visit. What a joy and blessing to share time with him at his school and get to take a peek into his world.

The word rosary comes from Latin and means a garland of roses, the rose being one of the flowers traditionally used to symbolize the Virgin Mary. Most people, Catholics and non-Catholics alike, are aware that a rosary is a strand of beads and has some prayerful significance. The Catholic Church considers the rosary a “sacramental”. Other examples of sacramentals include blessings, holy water and medals. They are merely intended to enhance the spiritual life of the faithful and may have more cultural significance for some than others. Sacramentals are not a requirement of our Church, but they are traditions with which many find comfort. The beads on a rosary signify different prayers, but the “Hail Mary” is the most prominent. Typically, it is repeated 53 times while praying a rosary. All Catholic school children learn this prayer, and most can recite it from memory. It’s an ancient prayer imploring Jesus’ mother Mary to pray for us and all those in need of God’s mercy, especially those near death. 

I love the “Hail Mary” because it’s easy to remember, but mostly because it harkens back to the days when most people were uneducated and yet were still able to implore God’s mercy with this simple prayer. I imagine my ancestors praying the same words that I repeat today. Recently, while attending mass and holding my dad’s rosary, I felt generations of believers joining me in my devotion. I thought of their journeys of faith, and I want to believe that they were praying with me and for me. All of us together asking Our Blessed Mother to be with us in our times need and to intercede on our behalf.

So today I pray for my grandchildren, my children, my wife, my siblings, my friends and all those who have gone on before me. There is comfort in knowing that my simple prayer is being joined by countless others through the centuries. It is powerful, this prayer that is ever ancient – ever new!

Truth be told, I always thought of praying the rosary as kind of an ‘old person’ thing. I guess the time has arrived.

Peace,

Denis

The angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary. And coming to her, he said, “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you.” Luke 1:26-28

Saint Joseph Pray for Us

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Today is the Feast of Saint Joseph. As a father, I have a strong devotion to Joseph – the patron saint of all fathers. I have been blessed with three incredible children. I realize that I’m not in their league in terms of intelligence, ability, and achievement. And yet, God decided to bless me with these three.

I rely on Saint Joseph to help me. He knew the overwhelming responsibility of fatherhood. He understood that the love of a father is so strong and yet at the same time so tender it cannot be described in mere words. He certainly must have felt ill-equipped, at times, to deal with Jesus. I could write volumes about my ineptitude as a father. I take for granted that my children understand that they are in my heart so deeply that every day I am blessed by their very existence. But I’m not sure I always show them by my actions. Sometimes no matter how hard I try – I fail. I do the wrong thing. Or I behave unkindly. Or forget to say, “I love you”. God gave me Saint Joseph to reach out to when I make a mess of things.

We know little about Joseph. We know that he had doubts. We also know that he said yes. He protected Mary and Jesus. Joseph is often depicted as an old man. But I believe Joseph was young when Jesus was born like I was when my kids came along. A worker. A teacher. A companion. A dad. Frightened but courageous. Ill-prepared but undaunted. Beleaguered but unrelenting. He must have had a sense of humor. I’d like to think that Jesus laughed at Joseph’s “dad jokes”.

My prayers always include my children and my grandchildren but while asking God to protect them, I sometimes forget to thank God. So, thank you God! You did a great job creating these beautiful humans. God, thanks for letting me have a hand in it, too. And thanks especially for giving me St. Joseph as a model of fatherly love, patience, and devotion.

Peace,

Denis

Saint Joseph, pray for us (and especially me)!

Wholly Holy

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

How often have I rejected the idea of holiness? How often have I considered myself less than “the faithful” who seem to pray constantly? Those blessed folks who attend mass regularly (even daily); who adorn their homes with sacred objects; who never cuss; who know all the rules (and follow them).

Does their piety annoy me or shame me? Perhaps both.

In 2023, Pope Francis wrote “To be holy does not require being a bishop, a priest or a religious. We are frequently tempted to think that holiness is only for those who can withdraw from ordinary affairs to spend much time in prayer. That is not the case. We are all called to be holy by living our lives with love and by bearing witness in everything we do, wherever we find ourselves.”

Being holy needn’t mean you lose yourself. Instead, I believe it means that you should be your authentic self (warts and all). I can bear witness. I can choose to love. I can do that even when I feel shitty or disgusted. I can pray even when I feel hopeless and lost. Perhaps that’s when my prayers are most sincere. I know that I am not alone. My prayers for the people that I love bring me peace and comfort in knowing that God is watching over them. My prayers for people that I don’t know helps me feel connected to them and gives me strength and hope for a better future for all God’s children. I am also humbled in the knowledge that others are praying for me.

At times I feel overwhelmed with life. At times I only see the evil and violence in our world. But then I feel the love and holiness of others. The natural, messy, unscripted holiness that surrounds me every day. I am enveloped in that love. And I am saved.

God didn’t create me to hate me. I know that I can never be a pious, super-holy, choirboy. It’s just not me. I might not kneel as often as I should, but thanks to the saints in my midst, I am wholly holy.

Peace,

Denis

He saved us and called us to a holy life, not according to our works but according to his own design and the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began. 2 Timothy 1:9

Giving Up for Lent

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Recently I read, “This Lent I’m just going to give up.” It was written tongue in cheek and intended to be humorous, but it struck a different chord in me.

Some Catholics feel tremendous pressure to “give up” something to honor Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice. Or to “do something” honorable or charitable or extra-holy. It doesn’t do me much good to have ashes smeared on my forehead and then turn a blind eye to the mistreatment and suffering of so many in our nation.

Most of us needn’t go back more than a few generations to find ancestors who immigrated to the United States. In my own family we are descendants of fur traders who journeyed from France to Canada and ultimately to the Midwest around the time of the Revolutionary War, as well as Germans seeking political refuge in the 19th century. Some came seeking fortune and wealth. Some were fleeing poverty, political injustice, or religious persecution.

In November 2000 the U.S. Catholic bishops published “Welcoming the Stranger Among Us: Unity in Diversity”.  The document states, “The presence of so many people of so many different cultures and religions in so many different parts of the United States has challenged us as a Church to a profound conversion so that we can become truly a sacrament of unity. We reject the anti-immigrant stance that has become popular in different parts of our country, and the nativism, ethnocentricity, and racism that continue to reassert themselves in our communities.”

That was over 25 years ago and still many in my parish community consider immigrants as dangerous and undeserving and unwanted. Seldom, if ever, does any message come from the pulpit in regard to welcoming the stranger among us. Rarely is there any acknowledgment of the brutal treatment by our government of immigrants and our responsibility as Catholic Christians to open our hearts and minds to our sisters and brothers. Our clergy often preach that we should be pro-life but usually that seems to only mean pro-birth. Welcoming those fleeing for their very lives is apparently too messy to deal with, let alone to preach about. Our congressman, a Roman Catholic, has built his career on hateful misogynic rhetoric and our local Church leaders remain silent.

Fortunately, I have great friends and spiritual advisers who understand that God’s love for us is indeed for ALL OF US. They are examples of unconditional love. They are models of true Christianity. I find hope and strength in their presence. Their actions speak louder than words. And their songs fill my heart.

Often the work of true Christians is done quietly; humbly, with little fanfare. We can continue to pray, but it’s time to make some noise. We need to put our words into action. We need to care for the poor and welcome strangers. We need to put those in power on notice. We need to comfort those wounded by their draconian policies. We must remember that all life is precious.

Speaking up and speaking out might be risky and more of a sacrifice than giving up chocolate or alcohol or saying extra prayers this Lenten Season, but I refuse to give up, and I refuse to be silent.

Peace,

Denis

Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs? Matthew 25:44

These Things Are True

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

In his book Are You Good Enough Yet? Father Joe Kempf writes, “You deserve to know that you are safe, you are loved, your life matters, and you are good enough just as you are. Because these things are true.”

I’m a natural born worrier. I worry about my friends who are battling illness or struggling with grief. I worry about my son (who I believe requires constant worry). I worry about our community, our nation, our world. I worry about my grandchildren; those precious souls who I’m certain will face disappointment or heartache or worse. I worry that others don’t worry enough. And my greatest fear is that I’m not a good enough worrier to deal with any of this.

My Mom used to say, “You can worry about 10 things and 9 of them will never happen and the one that does won’t be as bad as you think”. That was rich, coming from the woman who instilled fear and worry in me. In my mind I would often reply, “Unless of course it happens to you, Mom!”

So, I’ve become a “stoic” worrier. A “closet” worrier. A “put on a brave face” worrier. “Smile through the pain” worrier. “Stiff upper lip” worrier. “Hide your crazy” worrier. “Just get on with it” worrier. “No one needs to know” (and probably doesn’t care) worrier.

But what am I afraid of? I’m pretty sure that I’m mostly afraid of losing control. Which is amusing because I have never truly been in control of anything (including myself most days). Plans have been made and derailed in an instant. Dreams have been dashed. Batteries have died. Plumbing has failed. Power has gone out. Promotions have been denied. Jobs have been lost. Savings have been depleted.

In the arms of some of my Angels

Through it all, I’ve never been abandoned. I’ve never been alone. God has never left my side. And in my darkest hours God has sent his angels. My wife. My children. My grandchildren. My siblings. My friends. What a gift knowing that they are with me on this journey. Sometimes it only takes hearing a loved one’s voice to put my mind at ease. I am not alone.

I had a dear uncle whose prayer was that he would live one day longer than his spouse so that he could take care of her until the end. I share that prayer. It sounds virtuous but it’s really a little bit selfish because I can’t bear the thought of life without my wife. Uncle Ted didn’t meet that goal, as he died a few months before his beloved Sha. But you know what? She was taken care of until the end. He set an amazing example for all of us to follow. She was never alone. Things (even stuff that didn’t matter that much) were taken care of. And she passed peacefully and I believe she was welcomed home into Ted’s loving arms.

So perhaps my prayer should be, “Dear God, please make sure that Debbie is not alone and that someone takes the trash out, mows the lawn and cleans the gutters“. It’s not poetic but it gets to the point. One less thing to worry about…

Thanks, Father Joe for reminding me that I am safe. I am loved. My life matters. And I am good enough. These things are true. And I need to let go of my fear and stop worrying. God, please keep sending your angels.

Peace,

Denis

Carrying On

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Like me, do you ever find yourself in a spiritual desert? Those times when my prayers seem empty and perfunctory, it feels as if I’m just going through the motions. Maybe I am. So, I pray: God, please help me!

I feel overwhelmed by the ugliness of our world. Lately before I turn on the television or my computer or look at my phone, I hold my breath and wonder what now? What has our government inflicted upon the most vulnerable? Who has been attacked or murdered? What hate in God’s name is being celebrated? At times some of the buffoonery of our elected officials is laughable but mostly it’s just frightening.

I have dear friends who are battling serious health issues and others who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. So much to pray for and seemingly so little prayer left in me. A wise person once told me that tears are a form of prayer. Sometimes tears are all I have to offer.

Lately my desert experiences have been coming along more frequently and lasting much longer. Too many times, I approach the altar angry or hurt and I can’t (or won’t) let go of my outrage. Too often I have judged others as hypocrites. I find it increasingly difficult to forgive and yet I expect complete forgiveness for my own shortcomings.

During those times, I attend Mass and sing and pray along and listen to The Word, but I might as well be driving through the Automatic Car Wash. My experience is completely passive, and it barely registers on my psyche. It almost feels as if I’m watching someone else – it’s not worship; it’s not prayer; it’s just sort of dutiful religious regurgitation.

But maybe just BEING THERE is enough. Maybe just being in the presence of others who are truly engaged spiritually has its own grace. Being part of a community of believers means that sometimes we carry one another along on the journey. The prayers and singing of the “inspired ones” can lift me up before God when I can barely pull myself into the pew.

So, I trudge along; hoping that maybe just by being at Mass and participating, however vacuous, I might find some grace and be touched by the Holy Spirit. Witnessing others’ worship, during these empty times, I wonder why I can’t feel God’s presence as they do. When my spirituality feels particularly bankrupt, I find comfort in just seeing friendly faces in church and greeting them with a smile or kind word. That simple act brings me a measure of peace (God’s peace?).

Some days my prayer is just this: God, please help me! 

And angels come to lift me up and carry me on.

Peace,

Denis

There are many things that can only be seen through eyes that have cried – Saint Oscar Romero