July 21, 2010 marks the one-year anniversary of my Uncle Ted’s death. I loved him and he loved me – of that I am certain. Ted was my uncle by marriage but he was much more than that.  He was my friend; my confidant; my role model. 

Uncle Ted and Aunt Sha shared a true love story – and she followed him in death less than two months later. It was always hard to imagine what life for one would be without the other, so I guess God’s blessing was that they didn’t spend much time apart. I like to think that Uncle Ted was just getting things ready for Aunt Sha’s arrival – making certain things were ‘just so’ – everything to her liking. That was what he did for her here on earth – why not in heaven, too? 

When his pastor eulogized him, I was especially touched when he said, “Ted loved his Church”. Those words struck a chord in me because it was such a simple statement but so true. He did love his Church – he loved each of the members.  I was always pleased and proud to worship with him at First Baptist Church in Benton, Kentucky. And he witnessed to me in so many ways:  he showed me that a real man does not need to be ashamed to profess his love for Jesus. We prayed together, we celebrated life’s joys together and he comforted me in times of despair.  He always listened to me and took care to offer encouragement or counsel as needed. He NEVER questioned God’s plan for us and accepted each day as a gift from God to be cherished.  I’m learning to do the same. I often used to pray “Oh, God this time let’s try it my way!” but Uncle Ted taught me the folly and vanity of that prayer.  Now I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the strength to accept life’s challenges and I’m learning to praise God for each day. 

I’m Catholic and Uncle Ted was a devout Southern Baptist. It didn’t matter. We looked for the commonalities and didn’t focus on the things that were divisive. My Catholic upbringing was very different from Uncle Ted’s Southern Baptist tradition but we rarely disagreed on faith. I learned so much from him and I think I taught him some things, too. My Church believes that we are saved by Baptism and we believe in the Trinity, the Sacred Scripture and life-everlasting, as does his.  I know that most of the ritual in my Church is non-essential, but it was the way I was raised and I find comfort in those traditions. Uncle Ted and I understood that the fact that we are both Christian was the most important thing. I will always treasure the times that I sat next to him in the Church that he loved so dearly. And I am proud too that he joined me on occasion at my Church. Uncle Ted and I both knew that God is neither Catholic nor Baptist.  God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

I still miss him everyday. I miss his advice and his sense of humor. I miss the sound of his voice.  And I have to admit that there are times when I still talk to him (in my head). Uncle Ted knew more about my kids; my job; my life than my own parents. Every so often he would call just to check in and I was always better after our conversations. If an e-mail that I sent or phone message that I left sounded disconcerting, he would call immediately. And I know that he was proud of me and the life that Debbie and I have built. I believe he loved our kids as much as his own grandchildren. Our trips to Kentucky will always be some of the best memories we share as a family.

Uncle Ted witnessed to my family and me in everything that he did. I will always think of him with these words attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel at all times; when necessary, use words.” 

Peace,

Denis

Our son Tyson will be stationed at Kusan Air Base in Korea for one year beginning in December 2010.  This is considered a “hardship” tour, which means he has already been given his follow-on assignment (where he’ll be headed after Korea).  The good news: He will be stationed at Scott Air Force Base in January 2012 which is only about one hour from where we live.

So now we can look forward to having Tyson close by.  He enlisted in the Air Force in 1996 and he has lived on or near the following Air Force bases: Lackland (Texas), Keesler (Mississipppi), Vandenberg (California), Tyndall (Florida), Ramstein (Germany), plus two deployments to Iraq, and now Kusan (Korea) and finally Scott (Illinois).  After what will be 15-1/2 years of service he will finally be home (or practically home).  We have the next 18 months to anticipate his homecoming!  It’s hard to believe that he has been in the Air Force now for 14 years and so I hope that the next 18 months flies by for him.  But I don’t really want to wish his life away…

Praying that Scott Air Force Base would be his follow-on assignment seemed too selfish so my prayers were that he would be sent somewhere that would improve his life and his career and if that happened to be Scott it wouldn’t be such a bad thing!  Now that we know for certain that he will be close-by the anticipation is that much greater. 

It’s strange when wishing and hoping and praying are suddenly replaced by dreaming and planning and envisioning.  I’m looking forward to simple things with Tyson – taking in an occasional Cardinals baseball game, having Sunday dinner together, just hanging out.  Of course there are the important things, too – having him near his daughter again (they’ve been separated for almost a year now), having him home for all the holidays, him not having to miss out on weddings, funerals, graduations, etc., and finally being able to buy or build a permanent home.

So we will wait in joyful anticipation.  But I’m not a good ‘waiter’.  Patience is not my strong-suit and I want him home now.  Today!  But who knows what great experiences he will encounter in the next 18 months?  Living and working in Korea alone is an opportunity not afforded to most of us.  It will undoubtedly benefit him both personally and professionally.  

So one prayer is answered and a new one begins:  “God please help me be patient!”

Peace,
Denis

All families are crazy, especially other peoples’s families.  Now I know that all families have their share of drama and heartache.  And I believe that in the best of families that is balanced by the love and laughter.  Sometimes during the darkest moments it is hard to remember the “good times”. 

Growing up I was often the peace maker at home.  My two older brothers would fight and I was the little one that would cry (or tell on them) and that would create a parentally-imposed temporary cease fire.  As I grew older and my middle brother grew increasingly rebellious and defiant, I would be the one that Mom and Dad would reach out to for comfort/solace.  Remember I was YOUNGER – what the hell did I know about being a rebellious teen when I was 11 or 12?   When my little sister was a teenager (I had young children of my own by then) I would spend endless hours on the phone with Mom listening to her heartaches about raising a teenager.  And then my sister would call and tell me about the HELL of living with a crazy menopausal mother!  It’s hard to be Switzerland when you’re living in the midst of France and Germany and Italy.  But through the years I’ve tried to remain impartial (unless of course they start attacking me – and then I’m just another dog in the fight!).  So there you have it.  It is other peoples’ families that are the crazy ones; not mine.

My own kids have had their disagreements/stand-offs.  But for the most part they live in harmony – maybe because they physically live so far apart.  Whatever the reason; my wife and I don’t have to be arbiters or peace makers with them.  I am truly thankful for this.  My theory is that because our three children are so different from one another they rarely compete or argue.  There commonality is love but they live very different lives.

Each of them has a very different personality: 

Tyson he is so trusting that he would NEVER question something that someone he loves or respects tells him.  He was often the victim of pranks perpetrated by his siblings.  And he was also the only kid in our subdivision that ran away from the ice cream truck because I once told him that it was an ambulance – is that wrong? His vocation – career military – fits his personality type perfectly.  He never questions orders and he is faithful to his command and his troops.  He trusts in the good that he is doing.

Bess is very intelligent and sarcastic. She may have inherited this trait from yours truly (but get over it you bunch of cry-babies).  She is truly funny and can make the most uncomfortable situations amusing by her unique and sometimes irreverent take on the world around her. Once when she was in grade school and being bossed around by a fellow student while they were helping out in the cafeteria, she reminded the other girl that she was a server not her servant.  Her vocation – motherhood/education – sometimes humor is the only way you survive raising/teaching children (hence, the nick-names).

Blake was (and still is?)  a wild child.  He was completely adorable and completely a maniac.  He had a habit of writing or carving his name on furniture, lamps, walls, etc., etc.  Once at about age 7 or 8 while being interrogated about a recent rash of “personalizing” he demanded to know why we would assume it was him!  After all, his brother or sister might have written his name on all those things.  Really???  His vocation – cooking – after majoring in theater he has taken his passion to the kitchen.  Being a wild sous-chef is considered normal in his trade. 

So my family is crazy but good crazy.  The kind of crazy that makes sense to me anyway.  We love crazy, madly, deeply.  We trudge along in our imperfect way and we do our best. 

And on Father’s Day (as I do each day) I’ll thank God again for my kids and our special brand of craziness.

Peace,

Denis

I am discouraged by the overriding theme of “unworthiness” that seems to permeate our homilies and conservative Catholic media.  Far too often we are being told that we must be in pursuit of a “Catholic identity” – whatever that means.  Am I less Catholic because my children attended public school?  Am I less Catholic because I question Church authority?  Am I less deserving of Jesus’ love because I believe we must respect all life, not just the unborn?  What about those on death row, the elderly, and the mentally ill?

Recent statements and actions taken by Catholic bishops only fuel the fire of shamefulness.  Censure and sanctions against those that question official Church teaching and suspicion and condemnation of those whose political ideals are not in harmony with THE CHURCH are frightening.  The idea that Eucharistic ministers must become “Communion cops” is both sad and alarming.  The suggestion that none of us is worthy of God’s love and forgiveness greatly disturbs me.  Who among us is above reproach?  Who among us is free from sin?  And who decides?

Awhile ago I read an editorial in the National Catholic Reporter.  It stated:

 “The church once viewed itself as a home for everyone and its children as works in progress. The church once had room for all who were a day late and a dollar short of the ideal, whose private lives were compromised by infidelity, racism, addictions, larceny and deception. Sunday Mass was the gathering place for the seven capital sinners, dressed up, mixed up, and trying their best, it was assumed, to navigate life’s contradictions.” 

I find myself in that category of sinners, and I believe that in spite of my sinfulness, Jesus still invites me the altar to share in His Body.  It is through Christ that we are perfected.  And it is through one another that we share in Christ’s love.

Jesus said, “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.”

So shouldn’t we be welcoming one another into God’s house?  When our lives get complicated, when our children turn out different from what we thought they would, when controversy invades our homes, where should we go?  Isn’t it through listening to one another’s stories and, through them, finding balance and compassion, that we do the work of reconciliation that makes us church?

Thanks to each of you that have welcomed me to Christ’s table through these many years.  I know that if I had waited until I felt “worthy” I would still be in the darkness.

Peace,

Denis