My dad was born in 1926.  He was named George after his father.  He is the eldest of three sons.  Dad served in the Navy during WWII.  He married Dot in 1947 – and they celebrated their 63^rd wedding anniversary in April.  He served in the Marine Corps during the Korean War.  He has three sons, one daughter, four grandsons, three granddaughters, two great-grandsons, two great-granddaughters and one more great-grandchild on the way.  He has retired from at least 2 jobs and finally stopped working a couple of years ago.  He is now 84 and looking for something to do.  He need not look far.

You see, Dad fixes things.  And he has always been a fixer.  Since I can remember Dad has been the go-to guy for broken toys, broken appliances, broken cars, and all other manner of brokenness.  When he can’t fix something himself, he usually knows someone that can – cheap and fast!  He has worked on all of my homes and he never backs down from trying to fix (or improve) something.  So why call a professional when Dad is THE MAN?

Dad has also been known to fix his share of broken hearts and broken promises, too.  I’ve never taken a problem to Dad that he didn’t try with all his might to solve.  Sometimes just listening was all I needed (And I guess he knew that, too). 

Dad is not always patient. Dad can be very stubborn.  And Dad has become obsessively frugal in his golden years.  But Dad never says no when asked for help.  I wonder if he has ever added up all the hours and years of service that he has given to each of us.  I doubt that he would be concerned about it but it would be fascinating to know just how much time has spent fixing our stuff.

You know, my dad has never met a stranger.  He makes friends everywhere he goes.  As a kid I used to be embarrassed by his knack (or annoying habit) of striking up conversations with anyone he encountered. He’s the kind of guy that could ask an amputee how they lost their limb and somehow not be offensive.  He’s talked his way into places, jobs, relationships and talked his way out of jambs and traffic tickets (and probably some jobs as well).  And most people like to talk to him, too.  I’m afraid that I’ve inherited his lack of patience, because sometimes I wish he didn’t talk to EVERYONE.  But Dad would fix stuff for a stranger (new friend), too.  So maybe he needs to talk to everyone!

Besides fixing stuff, the greatest thing that my dad has done for me is being an example of a loving and devoted husband.  Dad worships Mom and he has spent the last 63 years fixing things for her, too.  In truth, Mom takes care of Dad more than the other way around but Dad is still her hero and her protector.  And their love story is one for the ages.

So on Father’s Day this year I think I’ll ask Dad to fix something for me.  Maybe something that doesn’t even need fixing.  But then again he might be able to fix some brokenness in me…

In word and deed honor your father that his blessing may come upon you;  For a father’s blessing gives a family firm roots.  Sirach 3:8-9

In 1973 I was working in the Hardware and Paint Department at a local discount store and Debbie was working in Health and Beauty Aids.  I had smashed both of my thumbs in a window trying to help my mom (that’s another story).  Anyway, of course it would have been unthinkable to miss work so I bandaged both thumbs and made my shift at work.  Later that day, while I was in extreme pain, I was carrying paint cans with both thumbs extended upwards in order to not cause any additional pain or injury.  Debbie walked by, saw me, and quipped “thumbs up – ha, ha, ha”!  I wanted to throw a can of paint at her but instead I laughed because really it was funny and she was so damned cute!  The rest, as they say, is history.

We fell in love.  But we were an unlikely match.  She was this short sweet little Southern Baptist girl who had attended public schools and I was this tall skinny smart-ass who had gone to Catholic schools (because my parents loved me more).  Debbie was very popular in high school – she was on the Homecoming Court.  She was voted “Best Citizen” of her graduating class.  I was not popular in high school and I as was sort of a geek/hipster/dufus.  Way too cool to try to be cool.  My friends were kind of on the ‘fringe’.  Everyone was Debbie’s friend and everyone thought that she was too nice for me (even me). 

We married a year and half after we met.  I’m certan that there were bets being placed at the wedding that the marriage would NEVER last.  We were too young, too poor, too stupid, etc., etc.  Sometimes I think that we survived those early years just to prove the naysayers wrong.  We might not have had a plan (or a pot to pee in) but God had a plan for us.  It’s only now after 35 years of marriage that the plan makes sense.   And our blessings continue to this day.   

When Debbie and I started out I knew how special she was but I had no idea how she would change my life.  She has such a gift for touching people’s hearts.  Debbie cares.  She listens.  And she is the most giving, loving person that I have ever met.  She’s been described as bubbly or sweet or happy but those descriptions, while accurate, only skim the surface.  Debbie has such a good heart that she exudes joy and that’s what most people witness and are attracted to.  For me (and it’s been this way from the start) when she walks in the room it’s as if no one else is there.  She just fills my soul completely.  Someone gave us a plaque early in our marriage that reads, “May there be such a oneness between you, that when one cries the other will taste salt” – and that’s our life.  I didn’t know then how prophetic those words would be, but time and time again she and I have ‘felt’ that oneness.  And I can’t imagine my life without her…

For our anniversary our daughter Bess made us a video montage. Best gift ever ~ Thanks Bess!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rTfqX7wZjs

Bess is my daughter and I’m her dad and we are connected in so many ways – we share the same stubbornness; we share the same ‘sense of humor’; we share the same need for organization in our world.  She’s a worrier.  She’s a take charge individual.  And she is doggedly loyal.  Her beauty and her kindness come from her mother but her determination and drive are compliments of yours truly. 

In August of 1998 I knew that I had to let her go.  I had spent 18 years telling her that she could do anything that she wanted to do – that she was only limited by her imagination.  But I wasn’t really ready to let her prove it.  Bess was smart and strong and full of confidence the day we dropped her off at the University of Wisconsin but to me she looked like the little kindergartner from twelve years earlier. 

It was a hot day in August and her dorm room was in one of the high rise dorms without air conditioning – Wisconsin doesn’t usually get too hot, but that year was a scorcher.  She seemed restless and it seemed that she wanted us out of her room; her school; her life!  I remember her complaining about her dorm room and me reacting angrily.  I tried to shame her by reminding her that many students couldn’t even get into Wisconsin and many more were deprived of college educations entirely.  She left me with a quick kiss on the cheek and Debbie and I retreated to our empty mini-van and drove home. 

It was a long quiet drive home.  And quieter still when we arrived there.  Bess’s send-off wasn’t what I had imagined.  I offered no words of wisdom.  She didn’t seem sad enough or nearly needy enough.  It was obvious that she wouldn’t be lost without us.  Fatherhood is a strange and wonderful occupation – I prided myself on having a strong and independent daughter and at the same time I needed her to need me – just a little.  But God had gifted us with an intelligent and confident daughter who was ready to make her own way.

That was 12 years ago and today she is still an intelligent and confident young woman.  She is married to a wonderful man – of whom I approve (as if that matters!).  She is the mother of Anna (who may be the most amazing child ever) and is expecting her second child in September.

But that afternoon in August stays with me.  I was afraid then that maybe I would become obsolete.  Now I know that nothing could be further from the truth.  I know that Bess does need me. She needs me to be her dad.  I may be flawed and hopelessly inept but I’m the dad she’s got and she still needs me.  She doesn’t need me to hold her hand crossing the street or to mend her scraped knee or to pay tuition anymore.  But every time that she calls for advice or just to check in, I feel needed.  We discuss very adult things now and she asks my opinion (and listens).  We may not always agree on everything but we both agree that God has blessed us with one another. 

Bess is my daughter and I’m her dad and we are connected in so many ways…

Last night my daughter Bess told me that today, August 20^th was the 10^th anniversary of her first date with her husband Travis.  TEN YEARS!  Where did the time go? 

Four years after that first date they were married.  And four and a half years after that our family was blessed with Anna Grace. 

All of that started with a date at The Milwaukee County Zoo…and I thought Travis didn’t have a chance…boy was I wrong.

When it comes to being wrong, I am legendary.  If there was a Hall of Fame for being wrong I would certainly be inducted.  But let me explain why I was wrong about Travis “not having a chance”…

Back in 1999 Travis and I worked together and he was the young know-it-all computer guy.  Bess was working as a college intern during summers there, too.  I noticed some flirting and playful conversations but I thought Bess was just being polite – she would NEVER be attracted to a “computer geek” AND to top it off, he was taking her on a date to the zoo – bad choice.  Bess is not a fan of zoos (I might be responsible for that – zoos stink and they’re usually hot and full of sweaty people – gross!).  I remember Bess’s friend Kristy and me laughing about poor Travis not having a chance for a second date (so for the record Kristy was wrong, too).

What I didn’t know then was who Travis really was.  Seeing Bess and Travis together was surprising at first because I had never considered the possibility that they would be so compatible.  But as their love for one another grew so did my realization that I was dead wrong (once again) about him and about his chances with my daughter. 

Today I can tell you that not only is Travis a good husband and father, but he is a good man.  And I love him, too.  He is exactly the kind of husband I want for my daughter and he is exactly the kind of father I want for my granddaughter.  Plus he is my friend and my son-in-law AND in that order.  I couldn’t imagine life without him and all of the blessings he has brought to our family. 

So there are two morals to my story: 

First of all – Parents, cool it!  If your son or daughter is dating someone that YOU would not choose for them remember that you raised them to be intelligent, loving and independent.  They probably know more about the person that they are dating than you can see or understand. 

Secondly – Don’t a judge the book by its cover.  Remember you were probably somebody that once scared your future in-laws, too. 

I thank God everyday that I was so wrong!