Commentary

Be Afraid?

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Politicians seem to be great fear mongers. So is Big Pharma, the NRA, those folks who are selling home security and identity theft protection, lots of media personalities and some clergy members. Fear can be a powerful tool; just look at any political ad. Listen to any talk radio or cable news host, watch any television commercial or attend a church service and you likely be warned about some impending evil – life is scary but if you vote for me, buy my product, or follow my religion, you will be safe (or safer anyway). Fear is an excellent marketing tool. Fear has also fueled hate and prejudice. Fear has gotten us into wars. Fear begets fear. Be afraid – be very afraid!

We should be afraid of some things. We should fear demagogues and dictators and hold on with all our might to our democracy, but not be afraid to have meaningful discourse with those whom we disagree. We should fear for the safety of our children and protect them but not to the point where we refuse to let them experience life to its fullest. We should be afraid of communicable diseases and take necessary precautions to limit them, but not live in isolation. We should fear for our planet and promote ecology but still continue to fish our waters and hunt our wildlife in a sustainable manner.

I refuse to be ruled by fear, I will not buy your product, listen to your propaganda or read your book because of some vague threat of evil or danger despite your warnings. I will not buy into your fear game. And I will not follow your religion or your rules because of some fear of hell.

Instead, I will hold my head high and embrace the good in this world. I will take an active role in promoting peace and justice (if only in my small circle of influence). I will love God and be thankful for life in all its forms. I want to be a role model to my grandchildren. I want them to explore the world and all its wonder and be forces for good. I want them to be ambassadors of goodwill; agents for positive change; lovers of justice and protectors of our planet.

Sometimes we have to stand up for what is right and sing our song. If we join our voices in harmony, the fear will be abated. When we face our fears together, we can find the courage to shout down the hate and inequality around us. Some will take the lead; some will follow; and still others will stand silent.

But together we should never let fear motivate us. Only love should.

Peace,

Denis

Peace

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Peace. Such a simple word with so many definitions: a state without war; freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions; a state of freedom from storm or disturbance; peaceful coexistence. But what does peace mean to me? As I often do, I look to others for wisdom beyond my ken.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.” Elie Wiesel wrote, “Mankind must remember that peace is not God’s gift to his creatures; peace is our gift to each other.” In the words of Saint Teresa of Calcutta, “Peace begins with a smile.”

Albert Einstein is quoted as saying “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Peace is my miracle. I see peace when I watch the birds and squirrels in my backyard scurrying for seeds and nuts to keep warm in this bitter cold. I feel peace when I hold my grandchildren in my arms knowing that they are God’s promise to make this world a better place. I know peace when the love of others lifts me out of the darkness of despair.

The challenge for me is to be a peace-giver. Each week when I attend mass, we share a ‘sign of peace’. Simply stated: we shake hands or hug those around us and say, “peace be with you”. Sometimes I do it rather mechanically. Sometimes I fail to even look the recipient of my ‘peace’ in the eyes. And seldom do I take the time to really think about the peace I am offering.

Again, seeking wisdom, I turn to my spouse. She often reminds me that we have no idea what pain others are carrying in their hearts. What peace do you need, my friend? What freedom are you seeking? What are your fears? What emotions or thoughts are troubling you? I can offer this small gift. I can give peace, my peace. I can begin with a smile. I can hug a little tighter and hold a hand just a moment longer and let someone know that I truly care.

Here’s the other part: accepting peace. Am I changed when others offer their peace to me? Do I accept their peace generously and without question? Once again: I can begin with a smile. I can hug a little tighter and hold a hand just a moment longer and let someone know that I am truly blessed by their love.

My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid. John 14:27

Peace,

Denis

P.S. My friend Joyce shared this beautiful song with me, offering me her peace.

New Year’s Resolutions and Other Good Intentions

/ Denis Wilhelm / 1 Comment

Another new year: another opportunity to do the right thing. Or the smart thing. Or the better thing. For me, New Year’s resolutions have always been about some kind of self-improvement. What can I fix? What can I organize? What can I accomplish? I always intend to get it fixed, organized, and accomplished, but life gets in the way of my resolutions. And then comes another New Year and another opportunity to get it done. Whatever it is: lose some weight; improve my finances; finish that home project; get all of my legal affairs in order; become more politically active. These are good goals. Achievable goals. Also, there’s a 50/50 chance that I’ll do any of it.

My Mom often used to say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I think about that now and I sometimes chuckle to myself. What she meant was: get it done; stop talking about it; you’re wasting time with all this deliberating; make it happen! I often share her sentiment.

This year my resolutions are less about getting things done and more about embracing what I have. Not the stuff, but the intangible things. I have been blessed beyond measure with a life partner that makes each day worth living. I have friends and family who celebrate my joys and share my sorrows on this journey of life. But life is messy. Families sometimes fight. Friends can be neglected. Neighbors are ignored. God often takes a backseat in our daily lives. Charity is forgotten. Prayer is an afterthought. I can always find plenty of room for improvement.

I’m hesitant to list my resolutions. Most of them are aspirational. That’s a nice way of saying I probably won’t achieve most of them, but I’ll sure try! It’s an easy way out. But maybe that’s the point. Instead of planning all this self-improvement, instead of talking about what I could, should, would do, I will own who I am. I will be grateful for what I have. I will do what I can do.

I’m going to begin this year by counting my blessings (even the messy ones) and then I’ll go from there.

Peace,

Denis

Let It Be

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

The angel said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore, the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God.” Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to your word.”

Often this passage from Luke’s Gospel conjures images of a submissive Mary. A young woman who is overwhelmed and helpless to understand what is being asked of her. Certainly, Mary would have not expected a visit from an angel, and she probably was startled by the announcement. But to me, her response is not that of a weak or frightened child but instead that of a strong woman who appears steadfast in her convictions. Mary believed in God. Mary allowed God to work through her without hesitation. Perhaps she understood more than the Gospel tells us.

Any mother will tell you that the love of her child is primal and inexplicable. Mary’s love would have been no less than that of any mother. She would likely have been concerned about bringing a child into the politically turbulent world in which she lived, not to mention the very unconventional way that she found herself with child. And yet her love overshadowed any insecurities she may have had. Mary is a model for all of us. Mary took an active role in God’s plan. She wasn’t just a vessel. She didn’t just submit. She stood tall at His cradle and at His cross. And proved that love conquers all!

Christmas comes with hope of renewal. Christmas raises our expectations of peace and goodwill. Friends and families unite. Celebrations take place. Joy is proclaimed throughout the world.

But Christmas itself doesn’t end hunger, or war, or poverty, or terrorism, or racism, or homophobia or violence, or human trafficking, or all other injustices. Still, Christ comes at Christmas and we are reminded by Mary that if we believe in God and take an active role in His plan, we can bring peace to our world. Let it be me who takes a stand; performs a small act of kindness; who makes a small sacrifice for another. Let it be me who shares a smile; who speaks a kind word; gives a gentle touch. These things multiplied by the millions as we proclaim our Christmas joy will transform our world.

And so, I ask God, “Let it be” me who helps make a difference this year.

Peace,

Denis

Hoping

/ Denis Wilhelm / 3 Comments

Last week we went to a Christmas concert. During the beautiful hymn “O Holy Night”, we sang (well actually, this gifted tenor sang and invited us to join him) that Jesus’ “law is love and His Gospel is peace“. The song was performed so magnificently that it brought tears to my eyes. The words ‘love’ and ‘peace’ kept ringing in my ears long after the concert concluded.

In this second week of Advent, I hope that love and peace will prevail. In our world, in my home, in my heart. But here’s the thing about hope: it takes some work (and patience). I can hope. I can pray. I can wait. And then repeat as necessary. I suppose that’s the message of Advent. Keep hoping. Keep praying. Keep waiting.

So, once again I am reminded that Advent isn’t just a wreath and some candles; not just days on a calendar or something that I can passively watch as it passes by. I need to hope. I need to pray. I need to wait.

The author Anne Lamott writes: Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.

I am trying not to give up. I will actively, aggressively, long for His coming, not just as infant in Bethlehem, but in my heart, in in my home and, in our world today. I can hope for peace, pray for love and wait for an opportunity to share both.

According to his promise we await new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. Therefore, beloved, since you await these things, be eager to be found without spot or blemish before him, at peace. 2 Peter 3: 13-14

Hoping that I can clearly see my opportunities as I wait to share His love and bring His peace.

Advent blessings,

Denis

Watching and Waiting

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

Advent began yesterday, four weeks of preparation to celebrate Jesus’ birth and welcome His love into our lives. I often consider Advent to be a rather passive and reflective time. Longing and hoping and praying for Jesus’ incarnation. The Gospel message, “Be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come”, reminds us that Advent is a time of waiting.

We wait. We wait in joyful anticipation of a better world. We wait for peace and the end of violence in all forms. We wait for acceptance and inclusion of all people to the table. We wait for sustainability and the promise of an earth that will exist for our children and grandchildren. We wait for change in our political climate and discourse. We wait in hope.

But is waiting enough? What about being watchful and alert? We must open our eyes and our hearts to the inclusivity of Jesus and his teachings. For me that means “looking in the mirror”. How often have I rejected others with whom I disagree? How many times have I dismissed someone because of their appearance, beliefs, politics, age or sexuality? God did not create us to hate us. So why is it so easy for me to hate others who don’t align with me politically, intellectually or spiritually? Why are “my values” more valuable than theirs?

I re-read yesterday’s Gospel: “May he not come suddenly and find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to all: ‘Watch!’” There is my message. Wake up Denis! Stop finding ways to separate yourself from others. If I want inclusivity; I must include others (even the ones I can’t stand). If I want peace; I must give peace to everyone I encounter. If I want sustainability; I must model it for my children and my grandchildren. If I want reasonable and respectful political discourse; I must stand up for what I believe but take the time to listen to others as well.

I suppose that Advent is not such a passive time after all. Longing and hoping and praying for Jesus’ incarnation must include action. If I want the world to change, I must start with myself!

Peace,

Denis

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry (and thankful, too)

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

This week we’re reminded constantly to be thankful. Afterall, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and it’s a national holiday and we’re supposed to stuff ourselves with turkey and all the other good stuff and count our blessings. So, while I’m feasting on a sumptuous meal, I’m supposed to carve out, forgive the play on words, a moment to be thankful that I’m able to gorge myself like Henry VIII or someone from Overeaters Anonymous. Seems like food for thought – again sorry for the metaphor.

Don’t get me wrong. I love food. And I love celebrating with family and friends. My wife is an amazing cook, and our house will be decorated perfectly, and our tables will be set beautifully. Everyone will bring a special dish and hopefully a healthy appetite, and I promise there will be a seasonal cocktail thrown in for good measure. Plenty for which to be thankful. Still, some years with all the shopping, and cooking and cleaning and table setting, it seems like we’ve bit off more than we can chew – oops, there I go again.

The truth is this apple didn’t fall far from the tree (I promise that’s probably the last one). My Mom loved to feed us, and she made special occasions really special with her attention to every detail and Dad loved to be up in the middle of family gatherings. So, to honor their memories and to thank God for their example, we will make every effort to make it seem effortless. We will be gracious and refrain from complaining about the expense, and how much work it was to get the house ready, and to prepare the meal. Because we have far too many frenetic, attention deprived, days in this world with which we find ourselves, we need to actually enjoy a little elegance. We need a day set apart. We need a day with cloth napkins. We need a day without fast food or microwave meals. We need a day where we dress up just little bit. We need to bring out the “good” dishes and polish the silver. We need a day where we can have a moment to be thankful for the abundance in our lives.

And after that second slice of pumpkin pie, while we’re sitting around chewing the fat (okay, really that’s the last one), we can truly be thankful for the blessings in our lives. We can reminisce about Thanksgivings gone by. We can plan for Thanksgivings of the future. The meals. The specials table settings. And most importantly, the love.

We thank God for the love we share.

Peace,

Denis

Wine-ing Is Better Than Whining

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

My friend Bob is a wine maker. It’s a hobby, but his wines are extraordinary, and they just keep getting better. Recently we had the pleasure (and sore muscles) of helping him crush his 400+ pounds of grapes. No, we didn’t stomp on the grapes like that episode on “I Love Lucy”. Ours was a more sanitary process with nitrile gloves and crushing by hand. It took a team. Plenty of laughter and previous vintages were enjoyed by all.

It occurred to me that vintners must be optimists. You spend a lot of time and money and more time and more money to achieve the perfect blend. The “crush” is the just the first step in wine making. Then you must wait. You wait until the fermentation process begins and add acid and bacteria and “press” and “punch” the grapes and on and on. A lot of dedication and science and more waiting is required. Finally, weeks? months? later the stuff is bottled. And then the real waiting begins. 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? Only an optimist would work that hard on something that might not come to fruition. Or the wine might outlive you before it can be decanted! But my friend Bob is a “glass half full” kind of guy. In his case, it’s a glass half full of wine. God bless him.

Worrying about stuff is something I’m good at. It’s not exactly a hobby but it does consume a lot of my time. I worry about climate change, the wars in Europe and the Middle East, the sad state of U.S. political discourse, gun violence, racism, sexism, terrorism, and all the other “isms” that keep me awake at night. I worry about my grandchildren for all the regular kid stuff plus the extra crap that they’re carrying around now (active shooter drills, road rage, papillomavirus, the internet, bullying, cheating in school by using smart phones and hair styles from the 1970’s).

Where I get myself into trouble isn’t the worrying, it’s the whining. I whine about the how terrible things are or are going to be. I wring my hands and that hurts because of arthritis, and I bitch about that, too. In fact, my whining becomes contagious. It encourages others to whine. And often the pity-party ensues. Oh, woe are we! Everything is terrible and is only going to get worse. I used to scoff when my mother would proclaim that “the world is going to hell in a handbasket” and now I feel her pain. But whining doesn’t help anything or anyone. So, what’s a whining worrier to do?

Prayer helps. And looking forward. And hope.

Mostly I find my solace in the joy of others. Their optimism is transformative. My granddaughter Anna is an honor student and an actress and a student ambassador at her school. She is actively involved in the teen program at her church. She is also a rock-climber (which honestly worries me) who towers cliffs. But she is undaunted. She is so full of life! She is constantly attaining new heights both literally and figuratively. The entire world is in front of her, and nothing seems to slow her down or discourage her from achieving her goals. She’s crushing it! Mostly, she has the gift of being a joy-giver. She is that rare breed of person who makes you feel better by any encounter with her.

So, Bob and Anna remind me that the future is bright and worth waiting for. I thank God for their witness and their faith. They give me hope. And sometimes a really nice glass of wine.

No whining required.

Peace,

Denis

Living Vicariously

/ Denis Wilhelm / Leave a comment

It’s some grandparents’ prerogative to think that their grandchild is exceptional. It’s my prerogative to know that mine is. I have been living vicariously through my grandson Noah since his birth. He has afforded me an exception to every adult rule. It was okay to giggle, make funny faces, or even cry sometimes when he was a baby. It was perfectly acceptable to roll around on the floor and play with toys when he was a toddler. Taking those first steps and mastering each new skill assured us both of our invincibility. Singing silly sounds and laughing too loudly was practically expected when he was a preschooler. School days and sports activities gave us a chance to learn (and learn anew) the value of education and teamwork. Receiving sacraments and praying together brought us closer to God and to one another. Many times, I have thought, “I wish I had been a better student, a better athlete, a better friend”. Then I see him achieving things that I could have only dreamed of, and I realize that he is my second chance. An opportunity to live those dreams through him. That’s a lot to put on a little guy, but he loves me, and he lets me come along for the ride. It’s been sublime.

Today he becomes a teenager. A TEENAGER. This is unchartered territory. He’s never been there, and I’ve forgotten or blocked out most of my teen years. Will we share the angst? Will we share the joys and heartaches together? I guess it’s time to ‘buckle-up’. I do remember that my teenage years were bumpy. I pray that his will be better.

Someone once said that Noah is the ‘complete package’ – straight “A” student, good athlete, faith-filled, joyful, kind, and loving. I know of course that I am incomplete. His witness fills those hollow places in my heart and my soul.

I realize that I may soon become irrelevant. It’s not malicious; it’s just how life sometimes works out. Grandparents are easy to ‘put-on-shelf’ so to speak. Drag them out for holidays, birthdays, etc. If that happens, my hope is that I can handle it with grace and dignity. Still, I’ll keep living vicariously through Noah. He won’t need to know that I’ll be learning (again) how to drive and how to deal with the ups and downs of team sports and how to navigate the mysterious world of the opposite sex, and trigonometry. It’s okay if he begins to keep me at arms-length. I will be perfectly fine just sitting on the sidelines and watching this beautiful boy become a man.

As long as I can cheer and fear and pray, he will be with me, and I will be with him. You see, I’m not quite ready to grow up. I believe that we still have some amazing years ahead of us. He likely has no idea how much I need to live those years through him and with him. But I hope that he knows I’m always here when (and if) he needs me.

Peace,

Denis

Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord ~ Genesis 6:8

Can You Hear Me Now?

/ Denis Wilhelm / 2 Comments

I feel that lately I spend a lot of time trying to hear something or someone. In this world of constantly evolving technological advancements, we have FaceTime and Zoom and Hands-Free mobile phone calls and Smart TV’s that adjust the sound according to what we’re watching (except commercials, those are always too loud). Still, I often myself not hearing well enough. My wife believes that I need hearing aids, but I believe what I truly need are ‘listening’ aids.

There’s a lot of noise out there and I have tinnitus which only adds to the cacophony. My struggle is parsing what I need to hear from that which is just noise. It’s not easy. Because I don’t want to miss anything, I try to listen to everything. And my nearly constant, “I’m sorry, what was that?”, becomes annoying to those around me. I’ve even tried to stop talking so much in an attempt to hear others speak, but I’ve proven to be a failure at that particular skill.

So, what’s a poor listener to do?

First, I need to remind myself that everyone has a story to tell. How often have I heard the phrase or seen the plaques that read, “Tell Your Story, Sing Your Song”? What I need is a plaque that reads, “Listen to Their Story, Listen to Their Song, but First: Put Yourself in Their Shoes”. Not as catchy and not ready for the Hallmark® shelves but if you find it on Etsy®, I should probably get some royalties.

How often do I ask someone, “How are you?”, only to be told, “I’m fine.” And I’m off and running. Rarely does anyone tell me how they really are and sadly, if they do, chances are I really don’t want to hear the details. “Fine” is just fine. Putting on my brakes and listening, really listening takes time and requires me to engage; to be present; to care. This is not always convenient. And it’s definitely not easy. Listening is something that I must consciously choose to do. Listening requires patience, thoughtfulness and commitment. These are things that I often find in short supply.

As I often do in times of frustration, uncertainty, self-doubt or just plain, old stupidity, I pray. I pray that God grants me the patience to listen (really listen) to others. I pray for discernment to tune out the noise in order to focus on the present. I pray for the empathy to walk in another’s shoes. I pray that I fight the urge to compose a response in my head while others are still trying to tell me their story.

And I listen for God’s forgiveness when I fail.

Peace,

Denis