Fireworks or why I turn into ‘Mr. Wilson’ on the 4th of July

I actually like fireworks.  I like the big fireworks displays at the local parks and festivals.  What I don’t like (hate) are the subdivision fireworks displays that make me feel as if I’m living in a war zone.  I hate all the little hooligans that live in (and around) our usually quiet little subdivision that feel the need to “light up the sky” for several days before AND after the actual 4th of July – did I mention that this is mostly illegal?  Go to the park you punks; you’ll save money (or your stupid parents will) and you won’t annoy me!  Is that too much to ask?

Debbie tells me what she hates about the 4th of July is that EVERY YEAR I turn into Mr. Wilson – “Dennis The Menace’s” cantankerous old neighbor.  Well, I have a mind to tell her a thing or two…  She won’t even yell at kids when they “cut through” our yard.  If things were left up to her we’d all be living in a state of chaos!  Somebody has to take a stand – this year I may sit in my yard with my garden hose on ‘power spray’.  That’ll teach ‘em!

Anyway, I think that perhaps in the past I may have overreacted but this year I’m really trying to exercise some self control.  Here’s my current plan:

I WILL LEAVE HOME

I figure if I stay away most of the weekend then afterwards I’ll only have to deal with the clean-up.  I won’t have to hear the dogs yapping every time another little darling shoots off yet another firecracker or M-80.  I won’t have to endure Debbie rolling her eyes every time I groan or curse.  And I won’t have to stay indoors the entire weekend for fear of shrapnel or falling debris.

Now I may be exaggerating a little (perhaps it’s due to the bad ‘Sparkler” burn I suffered as a kid. Those things can do some damage when you get one caught between your flip-flop and a barefoot – stupid sparklers!)  And maybe the kids in the neighborhood are just having fun – “remember fun?” Debbie sneers, as she rolls her eyes again.  “Yes”, I tell her “remember sanity?” “I’m trying to hold on to mine!” 

So this year I am going to embrace a détente.  This year I will celebrate Independence Day in a new way.  Freedom from neighborhood fireworks!  But I’ll still be cursing when I’m sweeping up on the 5th  on my return!

The Lord’s Prayer says “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us”.  So while I’m struggling to forgive the little neighborhood hoodlums for destroying my peace and quiet, I hope God will forgive me for turning into ‘Mr. Wilson’ yet again.

Peace,

Denis

One thought on “Fireworks or why I turn into ‘Mr. Wilson’ on the 4th of July

  1. You will always be Mr. Wilson to me . . . it was that whole moratorium on calls after 9 that was cantankerously enforced in 1992!

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